What's wrong with me? I mean...what's the big deal? I don't need to talk to Josh on the phone everyday...right? I don't need to see him more than once every two weeks...right? So, why does it bother me?? I'm selfish...yeah, that's what I am.

I hope Josh doesn't read this. Fuck, I hope no one reads it. What's the point??? I can't even express my true feelings anymore. I'm numb to the world. Words have imprisoned me. I'm sickened by it, really.

I love Josh. I do. But if I do love him...why can't I be more understanding? I've been pretty understanding...right? I mean, I don't whine to him b/c I don't get to talk to him on the phone everyday. I don't bitch at him for not coming down here more than once like every 2 weeks. So, what's my problem?

Why is it sometimes, I feel lonely...but other times, I can HANDLE it better?

Yes, HANDLE...not LIKE...but HANDLE!

Guh...I'm out of here....