UPDATE:

So finally it dawned on her.

She's like "Wait a minute...you don't know a Jamison! You must mean James! RONI ANN!!!!"
And I just smiled at her.
She walks over and pulls my pants up high (I thought I was going to get the uber wedgie) and she goes "you better keep your pants on tight!"
And I smiled and I said "now what makes you think he doesnt?"
She just said "Well that doesnt matter. He probably does. All he has to do is unzip his fly and pull it out."
And I couldn't resist and I said "so?"
And she's like "that's not fair...guys have it too easy"
So I'm all smart and I'm like "well we could poke a hole in our pants"

"RONI ANN!!!! You don't touch that boy. He might be saving himself for marriage"

I'm all giggly "uh huh, you know he lived with his ex"

"Oh, well I bet he had fun."
"Mother! Don't say that!"

"Yeah, he could still be a good boy."

I start laughing again. She gives me the evil eye and says "I mean it, he might be waiting"
"And if he's not?"
"He doesnt need to mess with my virgin daughter."

"Um, Mom...uh hello? I'm no virgin."

"Oh hush, I know that, I try to tell myself otherwise. Just keep your pants on tight and don't rape the boy."

"Oh so if I married him, I could rape him?"

"Well...yes. That's what I need to do to your father."

...
I just kinda stared and blinked.

She started laughing and tugged my pants up again. "Now, be nice to James"

and I laughed "oh I'm plenty nice" and winked at her...

to which...I was met with dropped jaw

*snickers*
I amuse myself sometimes :)