This could turn out long; I'm warning you now. There are a few things on my mind that I seriously have to let out before I pop. Here we go:

I've never been good at telling people when I think something positive could be coming to an end. But, ya know, part of being a responsible adult is learning to do that anyway. So...
To a certain someone that chooses to read my journal and interpret things his own way instead of just talking to me...this is for you.
You know, you mean a lot to me and I love you to death but I can't keep putting this off. It makes me so happy when you actually talk to me or when you actually say you care but I don't get that very much. Maybe you've learned to mask your feelings so well that I can't read you or maybe you just don't care what I think. Either way, everyday I feel more and more like I don't matter. You have no idea how much it bothers me when you actually ask me to tell you what's on my mind or actually want me to say my feelings and then you simply dismiss it with an "ok" or just a "yeah"...you have no idea the blow I obtain from that or how many tears I've shed. I accept that this is a part of who you are and I'd never ask you to change, I want you to realize that. I also know you're coming out of this long relationship and it'd be so simple for you to just fall into place and let me fill that void (even if you do deny there is one). I know you have a lot on your mind and that you can't always express it to me...but could you at least say "Dear, yeah there's a lot bugging me but I just can't talk about it"...is it that hard to say? Sometimes when I talk to you...it means the world. Everything is warm and fuzzy and happy and everything in the world is right. Majority of the time though, especially here lately, it's more of a "do I even exist to him?" I know you've told me how you feel and you don't see the desire to ever say something more than once...but you know, actions speak louder than words and you totally send me mixed signals. What am I suppose to believe is real? What am I suppose to accept? I know you once kinda slipped and actually said you loved me and then I didn't accept it like you expected. But do you blame me? It wasn't that long ago that we weren't even close. I don't believe love is always an instant *snap* connection. I believe the kind of love you're wanting is something that only grows in time. So you say to be "patient" well you don't know how hard that is for me. Here I am...surrounded by all these choices for me and I give up so much to just talk to you even. Now I love talking to you but sometimes I feel like I live in my computer just so I can catch you when you are on...just so you can give me the usual "oh ok" to everything. If you truly care for me and truly want to get to know me and truly believe that we could work someday...then please, PLEASE don't make that someday start now. Wait until the divorce is over. Wait until you're back here. Wait until you get to know me better. It's not fair for me to be so dedicated to you already. It's not fair for you to be so dedicated to me, either. Explore your options, babe. Yeah I know...you don't want to because you've picked me and believe me I'm flattered and that means oh so much to me...but it's just not fair to either of us. If we're truly meant to be together than it shouldn't matter if we start being dedicated today or if we wait a few months. What difference would it make if we have the rest of our lives to figure it out? I've wanted to tell you so badly that I feel I just can't be solely committed to you yet when I'm not officially anything. After our little fight the other day when I actually said "I'm not your wife" and you actually responded so roughly about it...I realized I can't handle this right now. I just can't. To be honest with you, I don't know for sure at this point if I ever can. Some girls are cut out for military men...others, well just aren't. I don't know if I am or not...but please don't make me figure this out right now. I'm begging you, babe. I'm so sorry if I upset you. I'm even more sorry that apparently our means of communication is now my journal. That's so unfair to me. But if we're like this now...what would it honestly be like if we WERE together? Just think about that. So remember that I care about you and that I'm here if you ever need me...but I just can't be yours yet. I hope you understand. I'm so sorry, baby.

*wipes tears*

Now, next guy:

Warren, why are you still claiming me after...what is it...2 years now? Isn't the string bound to stretch and get old enough that it just snaps after a while? Or do you have this uber cool string that I don't know about? Wait, you spindled together computer cords...didn't you? *glares*
Anyway, I'm extremely flattered that you claim me on facebook. I understand the whole "but Roni you can date whoever you want because it's an open relationship. I don't care who you're with as long as I can still call you mine" but see that's just it...I'm not really yours.
I don't think I ever actually was...
I tried more than once to kinda rid myself of you but it seems to backfire and then you come back, stronger than ever.
I know you love me. I know you said you've never felt so connected to anyone before. I know that even though I keep telling you that it will NEVER work, you keep clinging to some kind of hope that it will. You need to face something though. I'll never move to Cassville. I'll never be close to you. I'm wanting to move to Georgia. Yes you may come back to Rolla but I'll be long gone by then. Actually I should be graduated by then even. I've dated so many guys since you. I've slept with guys when there's a good chance that I will NEVER sleep with you. I don't understand why you submit yourself to such pain over me...when I go on just fine without you.
It's sweet in a way but at the same time...it's really freaky. You "dont know what you'd do without me" well I do...you'd find a way to go on. You'd find a way to be YOU. You'll be the Warrenator. You'll still be the same goofy guy that should have a pet penguin just so you can say you have a linux penguin. You'll be the same guy that secretly wishes he could wake up as a final fantasy character. You'll be the same guy that deep down loves Yuna more than me *wink*. You'll be the same guy...just without that uber cool string. Doesn't that sound so much better than having a cord riding up your bum bum every day? Although, I guess that could be your cup of tea...in which case I know gay and bi guys if that's what you want. Yes, that was a burn at you. I did it intentionally. I don't feel bad for it. I don't feel anything. I don't know if I honestly would notice if you did suddenly vanish. I'm horrible, I know but I will be as mean as I have to be for you to realize that YOU DO NOT NEED ME. I'm sorry, I am, but you gotta stop this. Cut the cord, boy. Don't make me just mysteriously dump you on facebook...that's just cold. So do yourself a favor and delete the little "relationship"...and not just on there, delete it from your life. Ok? And yes, this is really what I want.

*feels relief*

Now those two things are lifted. Let's just wait and see how soon they both come back to kick me and then I fall on my ass, right?

Next topic...Chaplain.
I love being Chaplain. I love being Sisterhood Chair. Heck, I even love being PR Committee Member and Fire Marshall...I just love my sisters. However, I don't love the newly found expectations. I do the sisterhood newsletters because I think it's awesome and I know it makes girls smile. I make my own deadlines though; I work for no one. My own personal goal is to get the Sisterhood Newsletter out once a week preferably on Monday or Tuesday...but by all means, I'm not obligated to do so. Just like I'm not obligated to print the Bible Study Newsletter weekly but I'm trying. So please please please quit getting mad at me when it's not done the second you want it. Please? I'm having problems getting the spotlights done. I just wanted to say that. I feel better now though. It's all good *puts self back in pseudo perky mood* Oh and I love my awesome supporters...ya'll rock :)

Now onto the topic of classes...
Genetics- Does anyone have any idea what he was rambling about today? No? Ok, just wondering...if you want to see an awesome doodle of the double helix, let me know ;)
Biology- How did my grade dip a little when I understand this stuff like 110%? I don't get it...maybe I'm just overly confident on it though.
Bio Lab- I don't want my test back. I also don't think any of us actually went in the other day to check our experiement but ya know I don't think it's right they require extra time for us to come in when it's at a time that most students are in class. But that could just be my opinion...
Communications- I totally slept with my text book last night. Seriously. I woke up this morning and apparently my notebook was beside me and my book was open, sprawled across my chest. Mmmm I wonder what we did last night *wink wink* that is the best book I know I've "had" ;) ...and someday in return, I may actually do my take home test.
Brit Lit- Oh the class I never show up to but still have an "A" in...wtf?
Journalism- I love how I don't go to the class, that I barely correspond with the prof...that I'm not actually on the roster for it anymore...yet I'm getting credit. I'm amused. But I am truly awesome.

Now onto the issue of family.
I guess I still haven't fully dealed with PeePaw's death. I guess it just brought back the thought of my "Mo" too much. Plus, I don't like how Mary Jane has somehow convinced herself that she's now family. Uh wth?
Someday I may actually go home again. Right now, I'm not planning on it though. I'm tired of my Dad's emotional abuse. *sighs* I guess I really DID move out...

To end with...I'd like to share lyrics with you. I've shared this before in the past but this song really means something to me. I think it's because the chorus feels like it's about me. Besides, posting lyrics gives me this little warm fuzzy.

"Love Me For Me" ~Ashlee Simpson

It's been three days
You come around here like you know me
Your stuff at my place
Next thing you know, you'll be using my toothpaste
Step up, sit down
Get ready, let me tell you who's the boss now
Stay here, get out
Everytime i turn around you're in my face

Don't care where you think you've been, and how you're getting over
If you think you've got me down
Just wait it gets much colder

Here I am,
As perfect as i'm ever gonna be
You'll see
Love me for me
Stick around,
I'm not the kinda girl you wanna leave
You'll see
Love me for me

Shut up, come back
No I didn't really mean to say that
I'm mixed up, so what
Yea you want me so you're messed up too
I love you, I hate you
If you only knew what i've been through

My head is spinnin'
But my heart is in the right place
Sometimes it has to have it's self a little earthquake

Here I am,
As perfect as i'm ever gonna be
You'll see
Love me for me
Stick around,
I'm not the kinda girl you wanna leave
You'll see
Love me for me

I've been waiting all my life
To finally find you
Just so i can push you away
And when youre crawlin over broken glass to get to me
That's when i'll let you stay

Oh, here I am
As perfect as i'm ever gonna be
You'll see
Love me for me
Stick around,
I'm not the kinda girl you wanna leave
You'll see
Love me for me
Love me for me

Whoa, here I am
As perfect as i'm ever gonna be
You'll see
Love me for me
Stick around,
I'm not the kinda girl you wanna leave
You'll see
Love me for me

--------------------
Sorry this was so long...but let's be realistic most of you don't read it anyway :)