Kevin's back home. He said his doctor won't release him for drill which of course means he won't be in Columbia. Which means, you guessed it, I wont be seeing him for a while.

Am I shocked by this? No, I always expect something to come up. I learned that when I was dating Josh.

Am I upset? No, he's always far from me anyway.

Why am I not bothered? I mean, shouldnt I at least be unhappy with the fact I never see him?

I feel like nothing makes me happy. I mean, my college decision is already losing it's excitement even.

I just feel like I'm living in a bubble most the time.

SMSU sounds great...and major wise, it's a good choice. But, I feel like I'm losing so much by going there. I hate that I have to leave my KD chapter and not see my sisters. I hate that I don't have a group of friends there waiting on me like I have every other college. I hate that it's 4 hours away and I could never come see my family. But at the same time, when I'm there, I know it's right.

Maybe I'm just overanalyzing it all. Maybe I shouldnt think when I'm sick. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm too stressed afterall.

I went out for chinese earlier with my parents. Usually, it's great and I love chinese. This time though, it royally sucked. I couldnt taste most the food because of being sick and to top that, Dad totally lectured me about my "poor career choice." He's not happy with ANY career choice though. He wants me in college, yet wants me to be at the home, in my "place."

Sometimes I guess I just feel like...I don't feel. Not only do I not feel on the inside, but it seems like I don't feel physically now either. Hell, my foot is all smashed up and I KNOW it should hurt and it's like I just drown it out.

What is going on with me?

Have I really changed so much that I'm just heartless and never care about anything?

*sighs* I really don't like this.