I'm so...shocked.
I'm so...confused.
But yet, I'm happy.
For the first time in a year, I feel good.
Well....when Nick dumped me, I was sad...I didnt know what to do. But I called Josh. I called my ex bf whom I havent really talked to since June.
You know, he was comforting. He talked to me. He truly listened and gave some thoughts. I got to apologize and for the first time in a year, I forgive myself.
It's weird. I never thought I'd talk to Josh again, and there I was crying my eyes out while he comforted me. I felt....this weight lifted off of me. If Nick didn't like me all along, he's a bold faced liar. He had to have liked me as something, somehow. I'm sorry he feels he has to lie though. But, if there is more truth in what he said tonight, I'm sorry he let it go this long. Either way, I'm sorry he feels the way he does and I'm sorry he had to lie (either way). I know he's confused and he needs prayers. I forgive him. I'm upset b/c he lied to me, but I forgive him. I loved Nick and I know someday, somehow, if he needs to, I'll be here for him to talk to.
I don't know why I feel this way.
I don't know.
I should be crying and hurting, but I'm not.
Instead, for the first time, I feel...ME.
This weight is gone.
I feel better.
I hope Nick did care about me and it wasn't all a lie. But if it was, I hope he learns from it. I love Nick and I'm here for him always.
I think I learned a lot of this from Josh and I'm thankful.
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Thank you, God.
Thank you for Josh.
Thank you for Nick.
Thank you.