I could just make one uber long entry...but hey, it's my biweekiversary and I want a lot of entries :P
I had a "forever dilemma" last night with Nick.
Don't be mad, Warren :(
Here it is:
=====================
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
WHAT kind of deal did you cut with my bf?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
? didn't realize i cut a deal
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
yeah...and like everything now ..he's like "that's part of my deal with nick"
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i told him some basic things he should do, i'm not getting anything in return for what i have done... so i'm failing to see what the deal was...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i know i threatened to kill him if he screwed up hc again
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
...i guess that can be considered a deal if he took me seriously
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
YOU THREATENED TO KILL HIM???????????????????
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
not really
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
lol
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
NICHOLAS
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i wasn't serious
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i've done my killing for this lifetime...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
no harm will come to warren
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
but i would like to know what deal he istalking about
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i remember giving him pointers on things to do to make things better...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i don't believe i made a deal
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i know i jokingly said i should start demanding things lol
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
BUT A CELL PHONE?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
nick
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
those are too costly
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
he's really getting one b/c of you
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
that was a suggestion...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
if he does it to be able to talk to you, then so be it
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
no no no no
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
this isnt right
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
you know it
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
he and I should be making a deal..not you and him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
how did i make a deal?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
there is no deal between me and him for a cell phone
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
b/c he's going to do EVERYTHING you suggested
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i don't even have a cell phone
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
the how did i make a deal with him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
so he is taking my suggestions to be able to be closer to you
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
......he calls it a deal....it may have been suggestions, but I'd really like to know what all you suggested...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
whats the big deal ?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
what you heard yesterday
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i suggested he fix his car...said he is getting a more reliable one
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i suggested he make time to be able to talk to you...cell phone apparently gives him that power
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
if i suggested something, then it was for the good of the relationship
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
then tell me...after talking to warren, how long do you think he wants "us" to last?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
forever
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
....you dont mean that literally do you?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
yes i do...how else would it mean
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
that implies a lot of things though
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
forever implies....marriage...kids....everything
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
whats wrong with that?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
....
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he can have a dream can't he?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he can dream and hope for you and him to last forever
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he is trying to make that dream as real as possible
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
but that's just it...if it's a "dream", it's not real and sooner or later he'll hit reality
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
thats why he is trying o make it a reality
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
it cant be reality
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
why
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
will you not spend that long with him?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
it's too fast to even love him...it's too fast....everything is...so it has to be fake
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
it's one of life's optical illusions to drive me nuts
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you know what... if you say it is nuts one more time i will back out of this medium i have been placed in and let you two go at it
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
all you do is doubt what is happening
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he loves you
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
most the married couple i know who have been together 20+ years was love very fast
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i think it is you who hasn't looked at reality honestly
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you can't accept the fact that there is a guy who loves you no matter what
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
time, space, it doesn't matter to him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
just you
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
yes I cant....b/c I dont want hurt like that again
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
being hurt is part of a relationship... you think you will spend you life with someone and not hate them at times?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
if you think that you are blind to reality
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you will be hurt
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he will be hurt
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
but you will be together and strong for it in the end
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
but what if....I'm the one that hurts him/
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i do believe i made the statement for both of you
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
what if....I dont want to be with him forever but he wants to be with me?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
what if, I dont really love him yet...and I just say I do?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
what if..then?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
then don't say you do
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
if you don't have the purpose of marriage or ife time partnership when dating, there is no point in dating
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you date to find a partner
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you don't date to make you feel better in the short run
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
do u want to know the truth?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
yes
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I was always taught nobody will love you unless you love yourself
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
most the time it takes the love of someone else to show you how to love yourself
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
...and I dont love me...to be quite frank, I really do still hate me....so I am scared of him. I am scared that someone could love me. I am scared of loving him. I'm scared to death of it.
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i know that from experience
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
there is no reason to be scared
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i think you have a bigger fear of opening yourself up to him to that point of be completely vulnerable and open with him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
cause you were engaged at one time....you did love at one time
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
and I swore...I promised ...I'd never love again
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
that was stupid
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you broke that already
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I know
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
so...he says you do give really good advice and we should listen to you...
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
so...what should I do?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
lol what i told you to do for 2 days
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
run your own life
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
stop it
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i can advice...i won't direct
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I want advice
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
get over your fears
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
get over your self pity and remorse
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
get over whatever stops you from loving him
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I feed off of my self pity and remorse. I feed off the little evil I have. I'm a manipulative bitch.
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
and that's the side of me I dont want him to see
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you aren't manipulative... you don't have enoguh control to be manipulative...i think you would be scared shitless if you were like me
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you need to feed of warens love
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I get too reliant....I made josh MY LIFE....and when he was gone, so was I...I dont want to lose me again
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
well...being that there isn't much of your own self in my opinoin since others have ran most your life thusfar...i think you have nothing to lose... also the fact that you did lose as you put it yourself when josh left... you still have nothing to lose
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
also something else that will help, stop making petty excuses...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
that will help also
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
i'm going to bed
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
fine....and I dont make petty excuses
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
g'night I guess.....I'm sorry I whine so much
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you don't whine... you make up things to keep the final result from being obtained... don't be scared of completion... finish this relationship the way your heart says you should finish it
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
off to bed
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
but nick...
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
that requires...."forever"
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
and to be honest...I never thought in terms of "forever" before