I don�t know what to say.
I truly don�t.
Except to ask �Why?�
Why is this always how things work for me?
WHY?
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
AGGGGHHHHHHH
-----------------------
foxmccloud2345 (8:57:39 PM): i won't be able to stay at UMR.
snaggle2003 (8:57:43 PM): what/
foxmccloud2345 (8:58:03 PM): ya. i owe too much and my GPA's a little on the craptacular side
snaggle2003 (8:58:11 PM): how much do u owe?
foxmccloud2345 (8:58:19 PM): $3300
snaggle2003 (8:58:36 PM): but they do payments...
snaggle2003 (8:58:56 PM): I owe a lot to...they'll let you do a deal...
foxmccloud2345 (8:59:01 PM): not when combined with a 1.6 gpa
snaggle2003 (8:59:14 PM): so what are you going to do?
foxmccloud2345 (8:59:25 PM): i'm gonna go home for a year and get some money saved up
foxmccloud2345 (8:59:42 PM): i *promise* you that I will come back to UMR in the future
foxmccloud2345 (8:59:43 PM): *hugs*
foxmccloud2345 (9:00:59 PM): ... you got very silent
snaggle2003 (9:01:18 PM): yeah
foxmccloud2345 (9:02:16 PM): I'm sorry to have to break the news to you
snaggle2003 (9:02:36 PM): why are you sorry?
foxmccloud2345 (9:02:48 PM): because i won't be there for you for a year...
------------------
So imagine, if you will�my dilemma.
I want to be with Warren.
But now, just like everyone else�he�s gone too.
He feels like he�s a failure, like he�s letting me down�and he�s not.
I guess I�m just scared of losing him. I mean, I�m already attached. Heh, how crazy is this? How can I let myself get attached already? I know it�s crazy, and it should be too soon�but I can�t stop it.
So�we had a decision to make.
Did we want to go with A) A long distance relationship�when he knows I�m scared of having one again. or B) Following the quote �If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you�it�s yours. If it doesn�t, it never was.�
There�s no way in flying monkey�s hell we could pick �B�. We�re attached, as crazy as it sounds.
------------------------------------
foxmccloud2345 (12:05:16 AM): Roni Ann Myres, will you go out with me? I can promise you that Jeana is not in the picture anymore. I am truly happy with you, as I haven't felt this happy in a really long time, and these feelings are genuine. If, at some point in the future that is randomly determined by the stars in some freakydeaky fashion that it's not ment to be, then so be it, but let's try to make it last as long as it can.
----------------------------------------
snaggle2003 (12:44:02 AM): do you have 3 reasons why I should?
foxmccloud2345 (12:44:36 AM): 1. i'm downright cute. you said it yourself/.
foxmccloud2345 (12:45:57 AM): 2. don't you love me?
foxmccloud2345 (12:46:10 AM): err.. change that one. 2. didn't you love me at one time?
foxmccloud2345 (12:57:27 AM): 3. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?
foxmccloud2345 (12:57:28 AM): lol
snaggle2003 (12:57:39 AM): now, 3 reasons why you want to be with me
foxmccloud2345 (12:58:14 AM): reason # 11872631879263871263987163298716: You have a killer personality.
foxmccloud2345 (12:59:00 AM): reason # 14098127491827489127 (formerly #2): You always know how to cheer me up when i'm feeling bad.
foxmccloud2345 (12:59:43 AM): reason #3: ..|.. *kiss* ?
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
The point is, Warren and I are together. We can�t let this come between us�or can we?
------------------
Curious what other�s said?
-------------------
snaggle2003 (10:00:30 PM): how ya feelin about warren
algrant33 (10:00:35 PM): I no no.
algrant33 (10:00:50 PM): Complacent I guess...kinda sucks he's leaving
snaggle2003 (10:00:56 PM): yep
algrant33 (10:03:45 PM): well it's not like you're going to be any further apart than you are now.
snaggle2003 (10:03:58 PM): ....you know me
snaggle2003 (10:04:04 PM): you know what happened when I left Josh
algrant33 (10:04:33 PM): yes but you haven't left anybody.
snaggle2003 (10:04:53 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:04:55 PM): he left me
algrant33 (10:05:19 PM): eh?
snaggle2003 (10:05:26 PM): what?
algrant33 (10:05:34 PM): eh?
algrant33 (10:06:27 PM): As in.."what do you mean he left you?"
snaggle2003 (10:06:38 PM): he's leaving
algrant33 (10:07:32 PM): but these are not one and the same you see.
snaggle2003 (10:07:49 PM): no..he'll just be going home closer to his ex
snaggle2003 (10:09:06 PM): dont you get it?
snaggle2003 (10:09:08 PM): bye bye to us
algrant33 (10:09:36 PM): Doesn't have to be that way
snaggle2003 (10:09:45 PM): how?
algrant33 (10:10:06 PM): Have you ever written a letter?
snaggle2003 (10:10:16 PM): yeah....
algrant33 (10:10:33 PM): Be prepared to write lots of them.
snaggle2003 (10:10:47 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:10:49 PM): I cant
algrant33 (10:11:14 PM): Why "can't" you this time??
snaggle2003 (10:11:34 PM): I just cant
snaggle2003 (10:11:39 PM): what's the point????
snaggle2003 (10:11:40 PM): why?
algrant33 (10:11:47 PM): Well, why "can't" you?
snaggle2003 (10:11:57 PM): ihe probably will go back to jeana
algrant33 (10:12:14 PM): Notice I use the "can't" because I don't believe you.
algrant33 (10:12:35 PM): doubtful..not if he still has you, and knows you care about him.
snaggle2003 (10:12:48 PM): I dont care
algrant33 (10:13:12 PM): Then you're saying you don't care about him. And you never did.
snaggle2003 (10:13:19 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:13:23 PM): I really really really like him
snaggle2003 (10:13:28 PM): I just cant do this again
algrant33 (10:13:40 PM): Well, don't do this again. Keep it.
snaggle2003 (10:13:52 PM): I cant
snaggle2003 (10:13:54 PM): I just cant
snaggle2003 (10:13:56 PM): Bradley
snaggle2003 (10:13:57 PM): I cant do this
snaggle2003 (10:14:00 PM): I cant have this again
snaggle2003 (10:14:02 PM): I just cant
algrant33 (10:14:37 PM): You said you "can't". So DON'T.
snaggle2003 (10:15:07 PM): fine
snaggle2003 (10:15:08 PM): I wont
snaggle2003 (10:15:09 PM): I cant
snaggle2003 (10:15:11 PM): ....
algrant33 (10:15:22 PM): So write him. Often.
snaggle2003 (10:15:29 PM): no...
snaggle2003 (10:15:36 PM): maybe I should just forget it
algrant33 (10:15:38 PM): Call him up. E-mail. Text chat. Whatever. KEEP IN CONTACT.
snaggle2003 (10:15:40 PM): it's not wroth it again
snaggle2003 (10:15:41 PM): it's not
snaggle2003 (10:15:43 PM): I cant do it again
algrant33 (10:15:52 PM): CAN'T FUCKING DO WHAT AGAIN????
snaggle2003 (10:16:06 PM): this long distance crap
algrant33 (10:16:15 PM): And why not??
algrant33 (10:17:03 PM): Because you're too lazy to put the effort into a good thing? Because the only thing you really want out of it is a physical relationship, or a face relationship?
snaggle2003 (10:17:16 PM): NO
snaggle2003 (10:17:17 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:17:18 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:17:18 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:17:19 PM): no
snaggle2003 (10:17:21 PM): I cant do this
snaggle2003 (10:17:22 PM): I just cant
algrant33 (10:17:24 PM): THEN WHAT??
snaggle2003 (10:17:34 PM): I cant risk this again
algrant33 (10:17:40 PM): Risk WHAT??
snaggle2003 (10:17:48 PM): heartache
algrant33 (10:18:51 PM): Well, nothing's going to come of that if you keep in touch...
snaggle2003 (10:19:38 PM): this needs to stay between us
algrant33 (10:19:48 PM): If you ever cared, if you EVER liked this guy in the first place, if you ever really meant a tenth of the things you told me about him, you'll do this.
snaggle2003 (10:20:21 PM): I dont know if I can
snaggle2003 (10:20:24 PM): maybe he doesnt like me enough to
algrant33 (10:20:50 PM): We'll find that out pretty quick, if/when he doesn't answer your letters....
algrant33 (10:21:58 PM): Don't you dare think that this isn't going to be hard on him too. He doesn't need to feel like he's leaving another thing behind. Support him, if you can't do it for yourself.
snaggle2003 (10:22:16 PM): I'm trying my best
snaggle2003 (10:22:18 PM): dont you get it
snaggle2003 (10:22:20 PM): dont you get it???
snaggle2003 (10:22:23 PM): I love him
snaggle2003 (10:22:23 PM): well
snaggle2003 (10:22:25 PM): fuck
algrant33 (10:23:05 PM): Well????? THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HESITATING? Why is there ANY doubt in your mind that you should do this>??>???
algrant33 (10:23:09 PM): I WANT AN ANSWER!!
snaggle2003 (10:23:50 PM): I love him...I do already, I'm trying so hard not to
snaggle2003 (10:23:51 PM): I am
snaggle2003 (10:23:56 PM): I dont want him to leave me like josh
snaggle2003 (10:23:58 PM): I cant do this again
algrant33 (10:24:33 PM): So if you don't want him to leave you, put some energy into the relationship. Help keep it moving.
snaggle2003 (10:24:39 PM): how?
algrant33 (10:24:59 PM): KEEP IN TOUCH. Support each other. You don't have to be anywhere near each other to do that.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
So obviously, I was in a dilemma�but trying not to let Warren know it bothered me. So, what else? I went to Nick�and Sarah�and whoever the else gave a damn.
----------------------------------------------
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
what is keeping you from taking him back
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
he hurt me
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
he swore he wouldnt
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
but he did
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
yeah yeah, he claims it was a mistake
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
but still
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
his mind was a mess... he thought he was doingthe right thing
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
his mind over shadowed his feelings
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
and?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he has sorted out his mind and i told him to look deep down and to tel me what his heart says
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
and it said to stay with you
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
too late
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
so you wn't take him back
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I dont know if I can
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
why
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
he hurt me
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you do realize there is such thing as forgiveness right...
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
....you do realize he did something he promised me he'd never do, right?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you do realize that him breaking up with he cause he thought it was for the greater good of you broke it but not out of anger or hate...but cause he loved you... that takes a precidence higher than a promise.... it was for your good.... but that was a mistake...and now he wants to make up for it
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I dont know what to do
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
what does your heart say
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I quiet listening to my heart when he picked "b"...thank you
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
listen to it now
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
wht does it tell you
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
it tells me to not listen to it
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
your heart tells you not to listen to it or you tell yourself not t listen to it
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I tell myself not to
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
why
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
cause you refuse to let go of something he thought was for the greater good?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
......
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
maybe it is for the greater good then
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
maybe he should stick to it
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
it wasn't... thats why he is wanting to get back with you, so he can make it better and make up for the hurt he didn't mean to cause
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
but he's going to be 3 hours from me
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
so
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
maybe he was right
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
maybe it is for the greater good
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he will work and he will get his car fixed and come see you
-----------------------------
I don�t know. I really don�t. I just want him happy. That�s all I really want.
Needless to say, we�re together�but I�m still really scared.
= = = = = = = = = = == = = = = =
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
is all well now?
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
no
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
b/c..it doesnt feel right
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
exlpain
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
it just doesnt feel right
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I dont trust him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you are gonna have to let it go and forgive him
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I'm scared to
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
why
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he is selling his car to see you... he is make a bunch of sacrafices on his end to spend time with you
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
he is determined to make right that once was wrong...he is trying...
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
you love him... i know for a fact that he loves you
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
so with all that he is doing to make things right... i think it is in your best interests to truelly forgive him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
anyhow i need sleep... i'll talk to you more in the morn
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
no
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
wait
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
hmmm
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
what if....he hurts me again?
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
at that point in time you don't take him back
Roni Ann: "aka Amnai Churarei" says:
I love him
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
and he loves you
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
at the time when he hurts you again, you need to look into your heart and see how much you love him... he feels terrible about what he did... but he is trying to make things right... it is all based on the situation
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
but the end result should be forgiveness
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
no matter what
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
and at that point of forgiveness there isn't a reason to not get back together
Darkside - Friendly Neighborhood Counselor... says:
but seriously...i need sleep... don't destroy anything tonight... both of you sleep on things and we will resume tomorrow if need be
- - - ------------------------------------------------
Well, I didn�t �destroy� anything last night. But I wonder how close I came.
I just�it�s hard�
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warren,
I know you�ve said you love me and you say you can handle long distance relationships. But, babe, I�m really not that strong. I don�t want to lose you and I want to take care of you and make you happy. It is for the best though that you take the year off and I know you�ll do excellent when you come back. I do believe in you.
I guess what I�m trying to say is�I want us. I want to give you that chance. I want to make it work. I do. Warren, I just want to be with you. I want to be by your side. I want to take care of you. I want to keep you safe and warm. I want to hold you. I want to love you. I want to keep you.
Yeah, I�d be lying if I said I�m not a little upset to see you go, but you�re not a failure. You�re not a disappointment. I do believe in you. I�ll never stop believing in you. I know everything between us is so crazy and so fast�but you know, I almost wouldn�t want it any other way. I think I love you, too. No, actually, I know I do�otherwise, when you hung up, I wouldn�t have called you back. I couldn�t let you get away with it that easily, especially when you were in such pain.
I know it�s going to be hard�probably harder than we can imagine. There�s going to be lonely nights, scary storms, and probably shed tears. But no matter what, remember, you�ve always had me and always will. Try not to worry and try not to be sad. I�m here with you, you just have to take my hand. I won�t let you down and I won�t let you fall. Lean on me if you have to, let me be your wall.
I support you, in all you do. You know that I trust you and you know that we will be together for quite a while. It�d be a lie to say I�m not scared. Because, I don�t want to lose you. Please, don�t hurt me, Warren. I promise I won�t hurt you. Now, close your eyes and kiss me. Babe, I love you.
Always,
Roni Ann