Ya know...
I think I'm just exasted and rambling.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
I'm ruining it and watching it blow up in my face.
.......if I hold tight, they leave me
if I let loose, they leave me
no matter what...
they leave me
OK
I'm tired of whining.
Here...read my rant:
======================
Coran: yo, just chill out, if you start to cry on me I am leaving
Me: i aint cryin
Coran: you are mad needy, just relax ok
Me: so what do I do?
Me: I probably killed it tonight, didnt i?
Coran: killed what?
Me: whatever it is we could have ever had
Coran: na you can get it back just don't start throwing the future into casual conversation
Coran: its not cool
Me: I think it's b/c...that's always how it was...ya know?
Me: I'm so use to being in a long term thing
Me: that I dont know how to go slow
Me: I'm ruining it and seeing it blow up in my face
Coran: well you need to learn how too
Me: .......if I hold tight, they leave me
Me: if I let loose, they leave me
Me: no matter what...
Me: they leave me
Coran: man, you will find someone
Me: I did
Me: and I lost him
Me: and I know that
Me: and I know what I did
Me: and It took me
Me: to hurt another
Me: before I saw it
Coran: well then he wasn't fucking yours! stop being so mellow dramatic, shit happens, life goes on
Coran: man you sound like a goth poet
Me: actually....
Me: I am a gothic poet
Coran: yeah so am I
Coran: whats your point?
Me: that's what I want to know
Coran: not everything has to be about you, the world isn't all black and bleek and sometimes you have to look at the present to see what you have and live with it
Me: is this just...the initial shock of knowing I'm moving on?
Coran: it could be, but handle it with a little more skill ok?
Me: why do you seem mad?
Me: I mean..it's not you I'm fucking the head up with
Me: it's Jack
Coran: no I am always mad at relationships... I haven't had a good one since I was 17
Me: i guess...it sorta scares me to think I did give my virginity to him and I thought I'd be with him...but...now, it's like sex is "just sex" and...I'm scared that I think that way....and I dont know why, but I do want to fuck Jack and I dont even really know him!
Coran: yo I am trying to date this girl that isn't having sex until she is married
Me: yes but....I dont know
Me: I'm just...I want to fuck him
Me: lol
Me: and I feel bad
Coran: why do you feel bad, its a basic human emotion
Me: b/c at the same time....I want to make love and not just "fuck"
Me: I want emotions
Me: I want...passion
Me: I want...feelings
Coran: you can do both at the same time, or you can just switch it up
Me: how?
Coran: you have never fucked and made love at the same time?
Me: .....Josh and I made love...but we never just "fucked"
Me: it was always more emotions and feelings than it was physical
Coran: well then I am sorry you have never really lived have you
Me: no I havent
Coran: well maybe this guy can help you with that
========================
[/rant]
So Jack...what do ya say?
Wanna help me with that?
;)