You fucking ruined me.

I cant do anything.

The first guy to even remotely make me smile and you fucking ruined it.

Everything Jack does, I question thanks to you.

You've got me so scared.

I question everyone's motives.

I'm so scared that everyone just plays a game.

A sick game.

Where I always lose.

But you...you always win.

I'm a bitch to anyone who gets close.

I try to push everyone away.

Sex is now a tool.

It's something I can use to get my way.

I don't though.

I'm too scared.

But I can use my words.

I'm so good at them.

But Jack...

I don't want him to be like you.

I'm so scared of that.

I don't want anyone to ever make me think of you.

I fucking hate everything that you are.

You didn't "let me down", you CHANGED.

You moved on.

You left me.

I'm so scared to like anyone.

I'm so scared they'll hurt me like you did.

You killed me.

So what's Jack say?

"Tone it down"

"Why?"

"Well like you said earlier, you don't want to get attached to me."

Yeah, "why, because you know you'll hurt me?"

"How do you know that?"

I mean, c'mon Jack, what the fuck?

But you're right.

I don't want to risk it.

I'm so scared and I don't know how I could already like you.

I hate this.

I'm so scared.

Josh, get out of my life.

FUCK OFF.

I'm tired of you ever crossing my mind.

I want to burn everything that could ever remind me of you.

I'm so fucking over you.

I do hope you call later, Jack.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

I'm just...

I'm scared.

Jack, forgive me.

I'm tired of crying on you.

I know I have to learn to trust you more if I ever want to keep the feelings I do or don't have.

See all along, I've told him.."this is bad, I dont want to like you. I dont want to get attached. I'm scared of getting hurt"

Oh Jack...

I'm confused.

Maybe you're right.

I told him...I said...I dont want a fuck buddy an he's like "so you think THIS IS A GAME? and I said "yeah"and he got pissed...

"If you think that, I should let you cool down and talk to you in a few days...and he said "you KNOW Im not just in it for that so stop it"

Man, man, man

Josh, you fucking ruined me.

You know, maybe if you hadnt have ended our friendship, I wouldnt be like this. Because I not only fear heart ache, I fear losing friends again.

DEAR FRIGGIN MONKEY

what am I doing?

I've known him how long?

What is wrong with me?

Am I just rebounding still?

Am I really THAT interested in Jack?

Maybe Coren is right.

Tell ya what, Jack...

let's give it a break.

Let me know when you wanna move on and talk.

Ok?

Just call.