Bradley was here until like...uh...4 something in the morning.

Heh. We got a lot of talking done.

Or at least I think we did...a lot of yesterday and this morning is a blur.

So a few minutes ago, I backed up.

I read all the entries from the day Josh and I broke up...until now.

DAMN.

I was a bitch at first. I had this "I hate you, go to hell" attitude at the beginning and bought into so much without even asking him.

No wonder he was so pissed, gosh.

Then, I start realizing it and what do I do? Drown the boy. Yikes.

Then the baby.

Yi-yi-yi...how did he keep from going crazy?

You know, I ...don't know what I'm becoming.

Bradley's right though, it was a fast change.

What am I?

Who am I?

Why am I still smothering Josh?

I love him though and I want him to be in my life.

I miss my baby girl.

I miss my old life.

I don't know what I want.

You know though, I can't help but wonder if I ever cross his mind or if he ever reads this.

I dunno.

I'm tired and STILL bleeding.

It's lightened up some, does that count? Heh.

Suicide isn't looking as appealing but death still is.

I'm beginning not to feel the cuts, too.

Is it this pain medicine or is it that I don't care?

It's suppose to storm today.

Nothing good comes from that kind of day.

I wonder what bad thing will happen.

What will make my tears fall like the rain?

Yeah, "Roni, don't think like that"...hmmm..."try and stop me"...YOU CANT.

damn I'm moody...

but I am I tired of cramping...

take me out of this pain...

I tell you, I suffer from KILLER CRAMPS.

KILLER, I tell you.

gosh...