I have to change. I�m so tired of being whatever the fuck it is that I am. I have to find ME again. Unfortunately, the me I�m finding is the one you never got to meet. I�m going to go back to who I was before hell happened. I�m trying to be the person I always wanted to be and to be honest, I�m scared.

You know, this means I have to confront the ONE thing that is stopping me from being secure and trusting and ...it's the one thing that ruined my being afraid to make choices and love.....and I dont know if I can honestly confront it�I don�t know if I can confront...Elisha. Elisha hated me. He hated everything about me. He hated the confidence but most of all...he hated that I wasn�t scared of him. He could hit any girl he wanted�he could mouth...he could do whatever�but I wasnt scared�and he got sick of it. Most of all, he hated me for being a �goody goody��I was the virgin, the �good girl�. I was what he�d never get. He got tired of hitting me and me not whining. One day, he reached his breaking point. I have a scar from the attack from when he tried to kill me. I had to give up so much. I had to leave Moberly and go to Madison...I had to learn who was truly a friend. I lost so much and gained fear in it's place. Worst of all, I gave up ME. I have never been the same since. I dont trust and I've always been soooo insecure since then.

Wish me luck, I really need it. I don�t know how I have to do this. I have his number now, maybe I should just call him up, ya know? I don�t know. I�m scared TO DEATH. But I know I have to. I�ve waited long enough.