Today was one of the worst days of my life. I went to the gyno. First off, I had a cyst so large that she had to use the biggest speculum thingie just to get around it. Then she found another cyst above my cervix and a few others that could be cancerous near my ovaries. I have a pelvic ultrasound scheduled now. She thinks I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome....which...makes you infertile. It's killing me to know that. She ran other tests and said that even if by some odd chance i didnt have PCOS, then I still am going to have pregnancy problems and I'm pretty much going to have to work really hard and plan my pregnancy...I have a low chance of getting pregnant and will likely have to use fertility drugs. She put me back on the pill and says after 6 months we'll now if I'm going to be infertile or not based on how it's treating my possibly PCOS problem. I'm scared to death. I mean, there I was...alone...for my first REAL pelvic.....and she's like "go ahead and sit up, I have to get the largest speculum (whatever) there is b/c you have this huge cyst that I cant get around)....and I'm laying there, scared out of my mind. So today sucks royally and I'm scared. I found out PCOS is heriditary. It doesnt ALWAYS equal infertility, but usually does....and even if it doesnt, it's harder for you to get pregnant. THEN Mom FINALLY tells me. The reason her mom had had like 14 miscarriages before her birth and then like 8 after her...b/c she had a form of PCOS (of course they called it differently back then)...and that SHE has a touch of it. Great mom, couldnt this have been included in my puberty speech??? Man, I've been crying half the day. I don't know if I'm more scared or upset. And to add to it, I can't get a hold of Josh and man, I need him now.

Now, if ANYBODY is reading this and wants to comment. Don't even think about it. I'm serious. I will be forced to hurt you. I normally dont post things this serious and personal. Fuck off.