Where to start? Where to start?

Generally, we as human beings have been making decisions our entire lives. As infants, some may argue that we had to decide when to cry or not. As toddlers, it can be said we decided when to walk or potty train. Then of course, school came along. Did we want milk or juice for lunch? Hot or sack lunch? Did we want to tease the "stupid" boy because everyone else was?

You get my drift.

Hopefully, we grow to make the right choices...but we don't always. That's where the "not being perfect" factors come in.

You would think that by the time someone was 18 and out of high school, they might have some idea of the direction they want to go in. They might know if and where they want to go to college. At least a few ideas on a major...so on and so forth.

Then...there is me.

I had it made. I had my life set. I was going to go to Quincy University for 4 years. Amy, my roommate, and I were going to get along great. I was going to major in journalism. I was going to write for the Quincy Herold Whig as an internship. I wanted to do the work study freshmen year and work in the cafeteria. I wanted to get a summer job at the Unlimited Pets Store. I would attend either First Southern Baptist Church, Bible Baptist, or Immanuel Baptist...or even drive to Emden and go to Community Baptist. Josh and I would do great. We had 2 classes together and would be partners, if the situation arose. We would get engaged in approximately 1-2 years from now at Lovers Leap (yes, we discussed this) and get married after graduation in 4 years. We'd live in the Quincy area until we found a more suitable place. Chicago was a possibility. We had it ALL figured out.

Then...I changed my mind. Why? Just did. I CANT handle it. I don't think I'm capable of moving out, going to college, so on and so on....I'm just not ready.

So, spur of the moment...I changed it all. My future was no longer set.

Now I plan on attending MACC this fall. I have my schedule and am pretty much prepared (at least at this moment...check back in a few minutes and I'll probably say differently). I don't know my major anymore. What the hell do I want to be? Someone, tell me this...please? As a little girl, my main goals were to either be a teacher, a cardiologist, or teach cardiology. Um...no to the cardiology. I don't particularly like taking that much science. But, c'mon...what do I want to do? Journalism? No....sure, it says that as my major on my MACC schedule...but to be honest, I don't think I want that as a career. I don't know. HELP!

What about Josh? He's still going to QU. I left him behind. Will things work? I love him. Is it meant to be? Man, if it is...why isn't it even harder to leave him there?

As you can see, I'm screwed up. Life is no longer easy.

I'm confused.

Where will I live? At home and go nuts? At Sarah's and have a strict environment? At my sister's and drive from out of town everyday? Where?

My friends have shifted again. I ditched a few...I've gained a few.....blahblahblah.

Maybe I wasn't meant for college.

Maybe I'm just nervous.

Maybe I need mental help.

Maybe I'm just normal.

I don't know. If you do though, please...let me know.