Yesterday started out really great...then, it was the day from HELL. Hell, yes, It was horrid.
I'd love to rant about it, really I would. However, everytime I talk to Josh...I just can't rant anymore. I mean, it's like he sucks all the bad, sad, all the hurtful feelings out of me. I'd like to find this super strong straw that he uses to do that. Man, I never thought it was possible.
*sniff* I'm suppose to be the ranting queen. QUEEN! YES, the RANTING QUEEN!
(why do I keep repeating myself? *shrug*)
All right...first off, something incredible happened. I came up with Plan A and Plan B. Yesterday, I was all for Plan A...but today, I think Plan B is more realistic.
(so, tell me about these plans...I AM! Just calm down...I'm getting there)
Ok, so here are the "excellent" plans:
Plan A:
Graduate High School in May...then enjoy my summer. Then, start college at Quincy University. Major in journalism...minor in business...learn some more psychology in my free time. After my two years living on campus (I really hate those rules about freshmen/sophomore living on campus), get an apartment with Josh since he'll be going to John Woods Community College in Quincy.
Plan B:
Graduate High School in May...then start college in the summer here at Moberly Area Community College. Continue to go there and live at home until I get 60 hours and save up money...then transfer to Quincy University. Move into an apartment with Josh.
So, what cha think? Ok, let's think about this logically.
Issue 1:
I've only dated Josh for 7 weeks (as of tomorrow), so, why are we already planning on being together a while? I mean, isn't this just too soon? Although, I don't see any OTHER guys in my future...I just see Josh. *shrug*
Issue 2:
Quincy is in Illinois. Am I really ready to live on my own, out of my parents house, for the first time in a DIFFERENT state? sure, it's not far...but am I mature enough? I don't really know.
Issue 3:
What if I spend years to get my degrees in journalism and then NEVER succeed in it? would it be a waste? Then again, is anything ever really guaranteed? No, not much anyway.
Issue 4:I don't have my drivers license. I don't even have my permit. why? I didnt want to drive...plus, neither did my parents. I mean, hey, I'll be 18 on Tuesday...and you can bet that I'll be driving pretty soon. But am I ready for ALL these changes at once? Can the girl that never liked changes...never coped...really do like Josh says and COMPROMISE the situations and make the best? Can I? guess we will soon find out!
Anyway, when I set the plans, it totally slipt my mind that there was something I HATE involved. What's that? MONEY. I hate thinking of it. College is expensive. Room and board is expensive. My Dad is obsessed with money, so I've never liked it. It's EVIL!
Anyway, after I figured out the "plans" I was in a good mood. I mean, why not? I have an IDEA about my future now :D
Anyway...then the hell came.
For birthdays, the birthday person always gets to pick a dinner and the family all eats together. Well, I've always had mine on a day other than my birthday, because my parents are just THAT cool *rolls eyes*.
So, I HAD to have it yesterday, against my will. Then they decided my meal. Um, hello? Isn't it tradition for the BIRTHDAY person to pick?
So, we go to this Chinese restaurant. It's not bad there, usually. However, since it was a treat for ME, it went like sh*t.
There were 3 buses there. Ahhhh...preppy ass teens running around EVERYWHERE. Maybe it's the fact that I'm almost 18...I dont know...but they bugged the hell out of me.
Then, the few things they had that I do like was burnt. The things I like the most, they decided not to have on the buffet.
My niece and nephew kept acting up and making a huge scene. Then when mom noticed I was embarrassed, she started YELLING at me in front of everyone. She called me a "brat" because she said I was acting "too good" for the family. That I was making a scene. That I was BAD because I didn't want my niece and nephew there because *I* was jealous of them. Ok, slow down...first off, I didn't say A WORD. Second, who cares if they go? Third, I really didn't do anything. Fourth, how's my not speaking making a scene, but her yelling NOT?
Dad acted like the so-called celebration was for him and words can not express how prissy and selfish he was acting.
I wanted to cry right there in the restaurant. I mean, can I have ONE good birthday? Please? It's not even Tuesday yet, and already...I wish my birthday was over months ago.
My parents yelled at me about how "bad" I was all the way home. Mom couldn't have made me sound worse. Then, I get home...she comes in here and Yells more. She said she wanted to slap me for being so ungrateful and such a selfish brat. She hoped I prayed for forgiveness because only God could forgive me for how disrespectful I was.
Look, I'm not saying I'm perfect...but I REALLY don't know what I did wrong. I really don't know how I'm soooo BAD.
I cried.
I cried for about an hour.
Then the phone rang.
How does Josh ALWAYS know when I need to talk??? Well, he soon cheered me up. He's the best :D
When I was little, I use to look forward to birthdays. Why? Not because of the presents. Not because of the cake. I looked forward to it because I was THAT much closer to being 18. THAT much closer to adulthood where I could be free.
Free.
I'm a caged bird. I want out.
Now that I'll be 18 soon, I can't handle it. Am I really mature enough? Am I going to be a "bad" adult like I was a bad teenager? or a bad child? I want to be free.
It's like I've been in a cave, and I can finally feel the warmth of the sun creeping in the exit and see the light...but I have to get through this small passageway to get out. I have to cross the pit of snakes and the dark, wet, cold place to get there.
I'm almost there.
Can you believe it? I've almost made it.
I'm almost there.
Don't give up on me yet.
I'm almost there.
I think Josh is waiting to greet me.
I'm almost there.
I can feel the warm air.
I'm almost there.
I'm almost there.
I'm almost there.
I'm almost there.
I'm almost there.
Almost there