"I don't care."

I've been saying those words more and more lately.

Is that a good thing?

YES.

Why?

If I'm not caring, then I'm not worrying.

OH, I see. Then, do you seem to notice that you're talking to yourself right now, or do you care?

Wow, I hadn't noticed...heh, of course I know I'm talking to myself.

Why not show it as a dialogue or set it up like a play so I don't mix me up?

What's the point in that, silly?

Nothing. But what about our readers? Won't they get mixed up?

*shrug*

I don't care.

Heh, riiiiiight.

Yep. Besides, look...I'm italic...and you, I mean me, is regular style.

I'm confused.

I don't care.

Roni, let me ask me something.

Go for it...you're me...so, I can't refuse even though, since you're me and I'm you...you already know the answer...

...

hahaha, I confused you. Just ask the question.

All right.

Well, I'm waiting.

How are you?

WOW, you're asking me how I'm doing, when you're me and I'm you?

Yes. How are we doing? I mean...seriously?

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm doing good.

So, we're doing all right? I can stop worrying?

Whoa, you mean a part of me still worries?

Yeah, all the time. I worry about why you're not worrying. I know it sounds crazy, Roni, but, I just have to be reassured every once in a while that this change that has overtaken is REALLY for the best.

Ah, I understand. It's a big change.

Yeah.

Look, Roni, just listen to me. You're not worrying about school as much because you don't care like you use to. You still care about school, but you don't worry about getting bad grades. And look, in the process...you're A- went up to an A...and you're A's went up higher in percentage because you work better when you're relaxed. Also, your family is doing better because you don't take the family "disagreements" as personally anymore. Oh, and Josh...things are even better with you and him because you don't worry he's gonna dump you or you don't worry about the little things. Plus, now his whole court thing is settled...so you can calm down about that. He's here. He's not in jail. He's doing good. Things are good. You're closer to him now than ever. You confide in him. You trust him. You are even beginning to think long term with him.

But isn't that a bad thing? I mean...we haven't even been dating for 2 months yet.

Roni...quit lying to yourself. Quit trying to hide how you feel about him.You and I both know how you feel about him. We know it's not a classic Roni-crush. We also know how you can never see yourself dating anyone else. We also know the phrase "the one" pops in your head a lot lately...but we know you push the thought away because you think it's too soon. You say you don't love him yet. That's because you think it takes time for love to grow. And it does. It really does. But face it, you're on that road...you're gonna get there.

I'm scared.

Because you never thought it would happen. You never thought you could feel this way. You never thought it would be like this. You're not selfish anymore. You put yourself aside and put HIM first and he does the same...he puts YOU first. It's great. Face it...it's real. It's here. He's here.

You're right.

That's because I'm you and you're me and I know how we feel.

Then why didn't I notice it until just now? Why did it take until now, this second, to make sense?

When you stopped worrying...you tried to stop analyzing...and it's been driving you nuts how you feel. Now you know though. Now you can admit it. Treasure it. Cling to it.

All right. Oh, and Roni...

Yes?

Tuesday is your birthday. You'll be 18. You feel old, don't you?

Yeah, but you know...I'm catching up with Josh.

Gonna grow old together?

*hahahahahaha*

We'll see...hopefully.

Yeah, it'd be great.

Totally. Oh, and by the way, if you're me and I'm you...you're gonna be 18 too. You're getting old.

I don't care.

YES! That's the attitude!

For once, I'm able to NOT care...and it feels great. :D