I finally remembered I have a diary-x diary. Haha, I can post the most "personal" stuff in that. Anyway, here is a little something out of a post I just made in there:

When I first heard he was coming over here on Dec. 2, I totally freaked. I mean, he was this incredibly sweet guy who was going to drive an hour just to be with me. Of course the thoughts like what should I wear crossed my mind...but deep down, I didn't care. I wore what I normally wear around the house. I always feel fat in that outfit, but I'm so comfortable in it. None of my friends have seen me in it, but I knew if I couldn't let Josh, then I could never let anyone.

When Josh pulled up, I was in the garage. I was digging for Christmas decorations. My hair got messed up and I'm pretty sure I had a streak of dirt on my face. I didn't care though, I felt it wouldn't matter to him. I saw the car pull up and every ounce within me started to race. I peaked around the corner and caught a glimpse of him. He looked so gentle, so sweet. A cooling calm came over me and I knew it was going to be ok. As he opened the door and stepped out, I slowly looked around the corner again. Everything seemed so slow...yet so comfortable. When I greeted him...he seemed so casual. It was like I've known him for years, even though we knew it wasn't true.

I took him in the house. It's funny, I don't remember the house ever being as messy as it was right then and there. He didn't seem to notice though. We went to my room. As he entered what he called the lair, I knew things were going to be interesting. He laughed at how my nephew kept trying to pound into my room. I practically fell trying to shut the door. I asked Josh if he was intimidated by me yet, it was an inside joke we had. He said yeah because he found me really beautiful. Heh, I thought he was such a suck up, yet no one had ever just blantly said that before. We talked a couple minutes...mainly just about how annoying my nephew was being. Robbie was practically mauling Josh.

We went out to his car to talk. We were going to just walk around the yard, but it was cold. I'm not even sure what all we talked about. We just talked. He really listened and seemed interested. We talked about what we look for in relationships. We talked about some of our past. We just talked. I know he kept dropping these subtle little hints that he wanted to date me. For example, when I was describing my ideal guy (something he asked me to do), he was sorta like "so, I'm not out of the running yet?". I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow I ended up touching his hand. I don't know if it was for the heat of it, or what. Just before I knew it, we were holding hands and talking. It was eerie how comfortable I was with him.

Soon, I reached over and hugged him. I'm pretty sure he had hinted about it. I don't know. It all seemed so distant and like it was suppose to happen.

We soon got out of the car, I hugged him tight. It was cold. We decided to go inside since our talking had fogged up the car windows.

He was sitting on my bed and I did something I never do. I just sorta stood between his legs. I mean, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I just stood between his legs talking to him. I could feel that he liked me and I knew he knew I felt the same. We sorta had this hug thing going on. I just know it was great being in his arms and looking into his gorgeous eyes. He still kept hinting about me dating him. He also kept wanting me to sit on his lap. I'm not sure how he had said it, but he made it clear he wanted to date me and I said something about how he hadnt "officially" asked.

He dropped down to his knee. I just sorta stood there staring at him. He grabbed my hand. He looked at me and with a tremble in his voice, he asked "Roni, will you be my girlfriend?" It seemed like the hours past as I just stood there. I couldn't move. Here he was the sweetest guy, a guy I could really talk to ...and he had asked me, ME to be his girlfriend. He kissed my hand and smiled up at me. I wanted to melt right then and there. My voice was kind of shaking when I said "yes, Yes Josh, I'll be your girlfriend". I can't forget the look in his eye�a twinkle shown.

There's so much more that I want to say about that day, but I really don't feel I should. Some things are meant to stay quiet, between the couple, right?

Everything though� from the first kiss, to the goodbye. I knew I was going to be crazy about that boy. I knew it when we were first in the car talking. I just knew it. Something in me told me I'd love him one day.

When he had left and gave me his necklace to wear, I tried so hard not to giggle out of happiness. The next day or two was torture though. He didn't call. About 2 or 3 days past, and I called him. He hadn't gotten a calling card yet and was glad to hear from me. Everything was great from that moment....now, if I could get him to call NOW. Heh, we've been a "we" for almost a month now. I haven't heard from him since Thursday. I won't worry too much though. Why? Well, that's a different entry. I'll eventually elaborate on the other dates...like about the three week marker or how it was at the movies the first time. Or, even yet, how things were this last Thursday when I met his family.

As for now, it's just good knowing I wrote about that first day. I feel great to let it out and say how I felt. Also, I now have this momento to look back at.

I'm just hoping he doesn't decide to start reading my journal and get upset about me saying this. Ugh, that wouldn't be too pretty. Oh well, as for now, I'm crazy about the boy.