Ignore it

Everything that is in here prior to this entry, ignore it.

It's no longer a part of me. It's not who I am. It's not me anymore. Ignore it.

I lied about who I am. I am like I say, but I haven't been me.

I use to be painted as a false image. People saw me as a "good girl", trustworty, the one that never lied, the good Christian girl. Somewhere in the course of my life, lots of that changed. I got wrapped up. I went on an ego trip. Yes, HI! *I* went on an ego trip. I was so wrapped up in how I wanted everyone to see me that I forgot who I am. I was so concerned with what others thought that it didn't matter how I felt about myself. It didn't matter that I hated me. It didn't matter that I was lying to myself.

No, I was wrong. I hurt lots of people on my way. I said and did things that I can never correct. I did horrid things. I was a bad person.

This has to change. This has to stop. I have to be me.

You have no reason to talk to me.

You have no reason to forgive me.

I don't blame you one minute. I don't even forgive myself yet. I don't even want to talk to me. I don't even know who I am.

I deleted several entries in here, but that doesn't matter. Ignore the ones prior to this. It was a part of me that has died. That part is gone. The lie has vanished.

I am what is left. The truth is here. The world is a circle and my circle swallowed me.

I have nothing I can say or do to make it up to you. All I can do is hope each and every one of you is like I imagined and you will, in time, forgive me. With time, you will understand that I don't even know what all I did. I don't even know because after a while, I even believed my lies. I even fooled me. I lost myself.

I understand if you don't. I understand if you move on. I understand if you don't need me or even if you don't care at all.

I have all that coming. I'm accepting it now. The truth is all I have to offer. Hopefully, someday forgiveness will be found.