Das leben ist kurz. Life is short. Life is too short for me to be like this. Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is exactly. It's not that I think I'm useless or something, but it just seems like nothing is going right for me anymore. I mean, apparently I'm the family burden. And if that's not enough, there is no such thing as a relationship when someone is referring to me. What do I mean? Hmmm..let me elaborate on that. But first, why am I a family burden?

I am the youngest daughter. I have two halfsisters. I have always been treated differently because of it. I'm actually Dad's so Becky and Cassie have always thought that I had special treatment. Therefore,that mixed with the age difference means that I've never been close with my sisters.Then they expect me to treat my niece and nephew like my siblings,well hello..how am I suppose to know how to treat them when my own sisters never really considered me a real sister and always was jealous of my Dad. I'm sorry that they dont remember their Dad. But from what I've heard,John wasnt a good man. Dad loves them like they are his own,so it's not fair the way they are jealous.

My niece and nephew live with us. Mom and Dad got custody of then on July 10th of last year. That doesnt mean much though because they pretty much have always lived with us anyway. This really does bother me. I mean when my sisters moved out, it was like I was the only child..and now I'm suppose to know how to act? You know, I'm glad they got custody. Rob was a terrible father and never cared about them and Becky ran off to Georgia to live with her boyfriend who was straight out of prison (he's out of the pic now)and she just up and LEFT the kids with us. They were always here anyway,but she was the mother..she shouldnt have done that. The thing that bothers me is that I get blamed for everything when it comes to the kids.I mean, if they fall then it is my fault b/c I either caused it or didnt prevent it.

When my parents fight..guess what? It is always about ME! Mom,Dad..I love you guys but I cant handle this. I use to call Corey everytime they'd fight...and I'd sit in here quietly and cry to him. It helped a lot because he cared about me and his parents were divorced and he remembered their fighting. I use to pray my parents would get divorced so that I wouldn't get blamed anymore. I know it's not my fault. Mom usually doesnt blame me,but Dad does. Later,he sometimes apologizes,but that doesnt take away the pain. I know I could still call Corey if I wanted to,but it's not the same with us anymore. I don't know,it's just I feel so much like a burden to my family sometimes.