I don't know if I deserve an award for being such an idiot airhead....or an award for being so comical at it.

So anyone that knows me...knows I picked up my Dad's weird habit of trying to invent things. I mean remember my Dad's shampoo that made me smell like some sorta weird gas mixed with pinesol for a week? Anyway, old habits die hard and I decided I'd invent a hair remover....stronger than nair...odorless....and smoother than veet. So I did...and I'm telling you this stuff could take hair off a bull's ass. But anyway, I decided to test it on the back of my thighs...thinking it's hard to shave back there so it'd be a perk...but also that if it I had a reaction, I could easily hide it.

It's going well...until...I slip in the shower and my hand runs up over my vagina. Guess what? You guessed it...that special formula of mine somehow got in me! Good lord, feel the burn....ouch, ouch, ouch. So I'm freaking out....and I'm thinking "great I'm going to have a chemical burn and it's going to hurt for a month" I'm trying to get it out of me...clean it off and good lord is it burning.

I get out of the shower...find this mirror that is missing it's frame and decide to look to see if I got all of the formula off and out of me. What happens? My hand slips...and SLICE....the mirror tears into my skin and the corner buries deep into my ankle. Holy moly...well I don't notice my burn now because my leg is bleeding to bad. But I have soap in my eyes still so I figure...ok, apply pressure then get back in the shower long enough to get the soap off.

So apparently I hit a main vein or something...and the vein is standing up and blood was gushing everywhere and the tub was slowly getting a lot of blood in it. I get it to stop and manage to slip with my razor and slice my other leg. GAH DAMN....so then if that's not enough... I slip in the blood and hit the faucett knob thing and make a little cut on my head.

So I'm laying on the floor...my head's bleeding...my leg's bleeding...my ankle is gushing...and I have this bad burning sensation. It sucks but I couldnt help but be amused. How do I get myself into these things?

Needless to say... I don't have a chemical burn but it's still uber sensitive, I expect some sort of rash to show up by morning. My ankle isn't gushing now but I do have a nice shiny big swollen area...which definitely would be hurting if it hadnt went numb. My razor cut deep and it reminded me of cutter days...but it's ok. My head will be fine. At least I didnt bump my new piercings, right?

So I'm a bandaged up...sensitive...sight to see. It sucks, but it's kinda hard not to snicker when I think of how nuts I had to have looked covered in blood thinking I belonged in a scary movie.

Man, I feel sorry for any boy that will ever put up with me...