My mom wrote me a letter. That's never a good sign. She only does that when she wants to apologize or whine or something. So this letter...it's pretty friggin long. She tells me she loves me and I'm a beautiful young lady and that any man would be happy to have me and that she doesn't know why I'm so depressed. She tells me she's sorry and that she forgives me and that God forgives me for having premarital sex. Then she goes on and on about how she knows Josh was my only guy that I've slept with and that she's sorry my Dad calls me a whore (which, I didn't know he did) and that she knows I only did it because I loved him and thought we were going to get married. She tells me it's not normal to be as depressed as I am and that it broke her heart when I said "God hates me" and that she knows it's not true and that he forgives me and loves me. She basically begged me to not think that way and to forgive her and to be happy. She wants me to write her back.
What am I suppose to tell her? I would break her heart if I told her the truth. "Uh Mom, I've slept with guys after Josh. Nick and I hit it all the time and all over your precious house, even on the living room floor several times. Oh and I slept with a 28 year old married stranger"
I could never tell her that!
Anybody have a suggestion on what I "should" say?

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In other news....Steve is super frustrated that I won't meet him but apparently he doesn't grasp the concept that I'm not in Rolla.
Oh and cute Jay from my class was sick tonight :( He was friendly but not as flirty and he coughed up a storm ...poor guy.

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Oh yeah...DEATH TO MY COMPUTER!

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Oh and before I forget...here's a song that shows how I feel *sighs* especially when I think of Alden...

"Not Pretty Enough" ~Kasey Chambers

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live
I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep
I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave
I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I laugh
I feel
I make believe it's real
I fall
I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope
I stand
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

Why do you see
Why do you see
Why do you see right through me