You read the last entry, eh? Think you got me figured out? No, you still have no idea.

Today may have been good...but it still doesn't describe how I feel.

It doesn't hide the pain...the fear.

It doesn't take it away.

I still haven't been able to find the words to really describe how I'm feeling. I've tried...but who has really heard? Only I know how I feel...although, I think Josh might have a good idea.

I'm not a happy camper.

As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure if I'm dead or alive sometimes.

I trying not to be selfish, but if I can't express my feelings in my journal...then they will eat me alive.

Quit trying to figure it out when you have to just close your eyes and feel. Feel how I feel. Feel my cry. Feel my pain. Feel what I feel. Hear what I hear. Fear what I fear. Then maybe...maybe, I'll start making sense to you.

I found a song that sorta sums up how I really feel.

I hope you can understand.

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"HOW WILL I LAUGH TOMORROW" ~Suicidal Tendencies

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one�s around
Silently screamimg I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all

Always an emotion, but how can I explain-how can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose, with words I can�t explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion-goes over my head-goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead

The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved-just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I�ve had
So few good-so many bad

I search for personality and I look for things I cannot see
Love and peace flash through my mind-pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new-never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony-through my eyes that�s all I see

If I�m gonna cry-will you wipe away my tears?
If I�m gonna die-lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow-last thing that I�ll say
How will I laugh tomorrow-if I can�t even smile today

Today today-when I can�t even smile today
Today today-when I can�t even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow-when I can�t even smile today
How will I laugh tomorrow-when I can�t even smile today