Here's an overview of some of the things Lisa and I talked about and/or decided:

Mom ~Worries too much; blames herself too much; isnt the best for advice

Dad ~Caused my male insecurities; is a bad advice giver; made me have some horrible qualities

Cassie ~wasnt as good as I thought

Becky ~Never accepted me; set bad examples

The Kids~ annoy me b/c they stole my mom

7-10 ~I blocked these ages due to depression

My illness~ I'm coping with it a lot better than most would.

Josh~ she thinks we had true love; I will always love him; I want to really be with him; he's my "one"

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My insecurities that Dad caused help push Josh when I need him.

We're opposite.

He needs his space.

I need him close.

I'll let him breathe if I can have him back.

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Josh, I'm willing to stop being so "motherish" and stop smothering you. I'm willing to change if you're willing to try to. For now, I'm going to give you your space...but baby, I love you.

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I'll post more later...