Josh has a chance to go to Quincy University with me next year. In a way, he asked how I would feel about that and I told him that I'd wished I would have chose Truman. He asked why and I said "I can't be with you" I dont know...the words just came out, I dont mean it. I want to be with him. I just...I'm scared to be with him...when we talk, things about us being long term all the time...and I guess I'm scared to make a huge commitment at my age.

Can I be any more stupid?

I love Josh.

I want to be with Josh.

I want to grow old with Josh.

It's just, I feel like we're almost engaged or something. Don't ask me to explain...just when I think about how I want to be with him and everything, it's like I have this silent agreement to always be there for him and I can't break that agreement with myself.

I don't know. Don't talk to me. I'm f*ckin' stupid. I say stupid ass things that I don't mean. Damn it. Damn me. I love Josh. Why did I say that? Think he believed me when I told him "No, no, no, no, that's not what I mean"...Did he have to say I almost broke his heart? HOT DAMN! I love him. Why am I pushing him away? Why? Why? Why am I so f*ckin' stupid??

Josh, don't let me push you. I love you. Please stay.

Foreva eva...hehe...it's only cute the way you say it...

I love you. Please listen to me. Just ignore the stupid thing I said.