Wow, where do I begin? First off, I know I'm writing less...but that's because I've found myself using pen and notebook instead.

I went to the cardiologist today. It didn't go too pretty. Not only is my a.s.d. leaking...but there's a new hole formed between my v.s.d. repairs. Oh, and my tricuspid valve is leaking, too.

You know, it's not fair. He was suppose to say "hey, you're doing great...see ya in 10 years"...but no, I have 3 leaks in my heart. I never had 3 leaks. Well, I did before my v.s.d. repairs at a year old....but now? It's not right.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. My blood pressure is totally screwed. I know surgery is a possibility. I'm 18, I shouldn't be hearing about valve replacements or ANOTHER open heart surgery for repairs.

I yelled at Josh. I know he was trying to comfort me...but I just broke down.

I'm sorry Josh. Really. I know you care and it means a lot.