So...today can be summed up in one word..."BLAH"

Mom and Dad got into it BAD. Mom wanted Dad to call one of his old friends. Why? Because he never calls them and they get upset...so she dialed it and handed it to him. Usually he'll start talking and be all happy...not today. Today he throws it at her and actually called her an f***er ....BIG MISTAKE

She hit the fan...but I cant blame her..how would you feel if your husband called you that?

Huge fight broke out...she was ready to hit him....the moment was leading up and she mooned him instead. Yes, MOONED HIM. Why? I dont know...she's weird.

But then she comes into the kitchen where I am and just starts yelling at me for being in there. So I'm like "uh I didnt do anything" and I leave the room. She follows me...cussing and yelling at me. I turn around and said something like "Why do you always blame me for everything? I did NOTHING." and went and locked myself in my room...something I've done since I was like 8 years old when they fight...b/c I knew they'd storm in and probably throw something if not hit me.

She thought about it and burst into tears. FINALLY for the first time in 20 years...she realized how much SHE blames me.

Do I feel better though? No...because I know the next fight..it'll happen again.

*sighs*

Why do I even come home from college? Seriously? I think I'll just stay there this time... I can't handle coming home to this all the time. It's hard and my Dad's emotionally abusive the way it is...I shouldnt have to come home to this.

I think I'll stay gone this year. Dont ask me what I'll do for holidays or summer...but I'll hopefully think of something.

Who knows...maybe I'll go to Kennett and camp in my Grandma's yard. I'd visit her but she hates me. Then again, she hates everyone.

Mom and I went to visit PeePaw (her step dad...in case you wondered). He's doing awful. I touched him and it was seriously like touching a dead guy. He felt lifeless and was cold. The only reason he's alive is the respirator is on 100%. By next Wednesday....he may not be here anymore. It hasnt set in yet that he's dying....but once it does, you'll know.

Anyway Mom apologized some more and then Dad was mad at me. I really dont know what I did. We just came home and as I was walking to my room..he started yelling. I guess he was mad because I walked in front of the tv :(

I have to go to Kennett later this year to see my grandpa's stone that we're finally getting. Mom wants to see Lanny. She's extremely hopeful that he'd help Dad. I dont know though... Dad's heart is so hard.

It's weird though.... that church Lanny goes to..it's Assembly of God and well we're Baptist but Dad liked it. He actually said if we lived in Kennett still that he'd go. Now I'm just praying that would happen. Something has to happen. I cant stand watching him like this. He was such a strong Christian and he got his feelings hurt at church and now he's like soooooooo far from God. It breaks my heart, really.

Wish us luck dragging him to Kennett...you'd think he'd want to go since it is his father's stone.

*sighs*

I cant wait to get back to school and away from this stuff....