Josh,

Thank you for emailing me. It shocked the hell out of me, to tell you the truth. I'm didn't do that to change things between us. I did it because you deserve to know. You say you "can't" be with me and I will never understand until I get a reason...but you know, that doesn't matter too much. What matters is, you're my friend. You were my best friend and you'll always mean a lot. You were my soul mate and I believe you still are. I still do think in the end, we'll be together again and I know you don't agree...but please, let me at least have that hope. Please, let me at least have a dream. I don't have much going for me. My world has crashed around me. I'm in the real world now. I'm 19, single, and pregnant. My parents aren't kicking me out but I don't want to be here forever. I don't know if I'll ever find love and if I do, it will never be like I love you. You don't want us to be like others in this situation and not be on speaking terms...but why? I mean, you said it's just hard on everybody...but do you really care if it's hard on me? I mean, I would still give the world if you needed it...but do you care? I think sometimes that if I lost the baby, you'd be happy. You'd lose that obligation to have to be my friend. You wouldn't HAVE to be in my life. Sometimes, I fear that you wish I were dead, too. Because then, you literally can't be with me and you don't have to worry about a thing. You'd live your life the way you wanted and I'd never cross your mind.

You have been confused...well, honey...wait until you're puking every morning. Trust me, you have a lot of time to think when you're like this. Please don't have sex before you're married. Even if you play it safe and even if she's on the pill...don't risk it.

I care.

I hope.

I'm scared.

I'm alone.

All I can do is cry, yet I'm out of tears.

All I can do is pray, but I don't know if God still listens to me.

All I can do is have a little faith.

A little hope.

A little dream.

All I can do is...breathe.