Dearest Grandpa,

I thought of you today...like I often do. It seems like only yesterday I could still see you. You were here when I got my first job and now that I'm back there again, memories of you fill my head. I miss you Gramps, I really do. I miss you more than I ever thought I could. I wish I could tell you that Dad's doing fine, because I know you'd ask how he is. He's not that good. To be honest, he still really misses you. Dad was always the tough guy and never showed emotion...let's face it, he'd yell at me for crying. Your death really tore him up and I think he now has a new outlook on things. The day that you died, it lasted forever. I still can't believe it. When we took you to Kennett, it seemed like we were going to the end of the universe. Dad did his best to be strong, he really did...but when I heard him tell Grandma that you were gone, I heard his heart breaking...I heard the hurt, the emotion. Uncle Ricky was sad too...I mean, hey can you blame him? We all really miss you. After we dropped you off at the funeral home, I had to ride to Grandma's in the back of the truch where your body had been. You know, I hated Dad for that...I really did. I could feel where you had once been. I know you hadn't been alive back there...yet, your presence was within. That trip lasted forever...the coldness burned my skin. I didn't cry then...I fought to hold it in. All I could think of was you and all the lost memories...and how you were dead. Your funeral was lovely...and very touching. Kevin cried even. I think I'm the only one that saw him though. He said you two were buds...you know, Kevin needs love. I'm glad he knew you loved him...you meant so much to him. Renee, she cried very hard. I felt sorry for her. She didn't understand why her Uncle Elton had left her. Don't worry though, she's ok now. Some cousins I didn't know where there...some old guys that knew you. Lanny and Elaine were there. Lanny has always been family to me. You were like a second dad to him...and I know he misses you too. Becky wasn't there, but we knew she wouldn't be. I know she loves you though, but Becky is stubborn. Cassie and I cried and remembered all of the good days. J.R. even was upset...he even loved you. Mom, you know she cried. Samantha, Robbie, Austin...they were too young to really understand...but they still mention you and ask when they can see you again. It breaks my heart to tell them that you're gone...but I'm glad they still remember you for now. I know that'll eventually change, but maybe...just maybe, they'll remember your love. Grandma cried. She really did. That lady acted like she actually missed you. She's doing something horrible, Grandpa...she really is. She has a 'boyfriend'...some guy in her neighborhood. You haven't been gone for a whole year...yet she could easily go on. To me, love never dies...and I think she's dating WAY too soon. Of course, I know no man could EVER replace you. You're the best Grandpa. You're the top of the line. You were the sweetest guy that ever was...the best of all times.
Well Grandpa, it's my senior year. I'd be lying to say that the concept isn't a little overwhelming. I'm confused about college...I don't know what to do. Dad wants me to go to MACC...but you know, I have NEVER wanted to go there. I really like Truman, I do...but Mom thinks I should consider Sioux Falls and it really is a good option. I don't know which place is best for me. If I go to Truman, I'll miss out on lots of the things I had wanted that USF has...but USF is soooo far. South Dakota isn't close and I'd really miss Mom and Dad. Dad doesn't want me to be very far away...he often says how he wishes he had been closer to you so he could have seen you more. I've decided to stick to my goal of going into psychology. You were the main one that believed I could do it...so I know you'll be proud to know that. Psychiatry was an option..but you know, why treat the symptoms when I could go into Psychology and treat the problem? Why just give someone meds for all their life....when maybe a couple years therapy could have solved the problem? Yeah...psychology is my goal. I'm wanting a PhD.
I keep thinking of how we had some serious talks. You wanted to know my possible future goals and even ideas for names of my future children. I won't forget what I told you Grandpa...I've buried the answers deep within me. Of course, they aren't set in stone...but I'll keep them in mind. I guess they're like a sacred bond with you.
I could go on for hours just filling you in on how I am...but you know, I feel that you've always been with me and that you do know what all has been happening. Grandpa, I know I waited quite a while to say all this too you...I mean, you have been gone a little over 10 months now. You know me though and you know that I don't cope with things too well. I just know was able to say all of this out loud. Yes, of course, I'm actually SAYING it as I type it. I think of you often. I really do. I remember many, many positive attributes about you. I hold your memories dear. I hold you close to my heart. You're holding my hand, Grandpa. I can feel you very close. I miss your many expressions, your stories, your laugh...I miss your hugs, I miss the way you'd kiss my cheek...I miss your smell...your gentle hands...I miss your beautiful hair that I use to rub my hands in when I was really little. I miss saying "I love you" and seeing your smile. I miss the way you'd hold me and hug me tight. When things wouldnt go my way, and I felt I slipt behind...I always knew you loved me...even when I felt no one else gave a damn. I miss singing to you...and telling you about my day. I miss your goofy, lopsided grin when I said "hola" and you'd say "heeehhh?". I miss the way you believed in me. I miss that undying love. No matter what I'd do wrong... or how often I screwed up...you never stopped loving me and showing me that you cared. I love you, Grandpa...and I know you're holding my hand.
Corey, I know you cared for him too. He's doing just fine. I have lunch with him. Don't worry, I'm watching after him. I know you loved him because I had. I assure you he's just fine.
I have to ask you something. I really, really do. IF at all it's possible...could you slap Dad? Seriously. Fly your little angel behind down here and slap your son on the back of the head. Gently though. See, he's cheating himself. He never watches his diabetes...and his blood pressure, it's not good either. I worry about him. I really do. He doesn't take care of himself. Please, watch out for him too.
Well my dearest Gramps, I better let you go. I mean that literally too. I've had a hard time saying "goodbye" to you. I know I have to let go. I love you Grandpa...heh, I'll probably end up talking to you like this again. I know it looks silly to do this. I know you won't really get this. It's just...I wanted to say so much to you...and I finally feel like I have.
I miss you. I love you Grandpa.