Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm overwhelmed as I think of it all. I'm a SENIOR. Wow, when did this happen? I don't feel old enough. I don't even feel like I should be in 3rd grade yet. Where have all the years gone? Have I accomplished anything? What's to come of me? Am I wasting away? Have I gone astray? I can see myself as an adult, but yet it seems so far away...so out of reach.

My niece starts Kindergarten tomorrow. Damn, when did she grow? I remember the day Becky said she was pregnant. I remember it like yesterday. The first thought I had was "a baby? A BABY?? Ah, it'll take forever for it to be my age". Then I remember the day she was born, the charming little red head with the beautiful green eyes. It was cold and rainy that November day. Daddy and I waited outside the door at the hospital as Becky gave birth. Mom was her coach. Rob, the so called Dad was in the waiting room...heh, some father. I remember Samantha's first cry. It was so precious, so sweet...enough to bring a tear to my eye. My Dad stood their proud as he had his first Grand child. He hugged me (hey, that doesn't happen often) and he said "remember this day, for when you blink, she'll be all grown up". The nurse brought her out and I swear I think she looked at me (yeah, she couldn�t form shapes yet...but hey, let me think what I want). She was so tiny, so beautiful. Dad hugged me close (again, never happens) as he saw her for the first time. At that moment, I knew my life would never be the same. This baby, so helpless...so innocent...so pure. What was I to think of her?

When I got to hold her for the first time, I was afraid to breathe, I didn't want to hurt her. She was so little yet I had such dreams. I knew she'd go far; hey, call it instincts. She cried with almost everyone, yet she was silent with me. All I did was stare at her...so precious, such a darling baby. I was holding a new life in my hands. She was so impressionable, so trusting of us all. I loved her in an instant and will never stop. She was flawless...she was gorgeous...I wanted to hold her forever.

Sometime after that I must have blinked. She's starting Kindergarten. Where have the years gone? I know that's she's nervous, though she doesn't complain at all. I know she's very shy, will she make friends? Of course she will...who can't love her? But hey, there's always that bully. Everyone has one at some point. I just wish I could spare her from it. I'm here for her. I know we aren't rich. Let's be honest, her clothing�s not the best. It's HER style. She's not into the "fad". That makes me so proud. I hope this stage lasts. She should be herself. Don't let anyone lead her astray.

I see the innocence in her eyes. I wish I could spare her from life's miseries. I know I can't though; all I can do is help her through them and love her so true. She's already been through a lot and there's nothing I can do. I hope this innocence stays. I hope she won't lose. She's growing up though. STOP! Slow down the clock. There's so much I have to teach her...so much I have to learn. Tomorrow she starts kindergarten, a milestone in her little world.

My mind is wandering as I again realize...I'm a senior. My niece may be starting in her educational journey, but my structured one is coming to an end. College afterwards? Of course, but let's get through this first.

A senior, wow...when did I blink? I can't believe I'm here. It had seemed so far out of reach. I don't feel old enough. Am I THAT mature? Are you sure this isn't a mistake? Maybe I should just be going into fourth.

Ugh, ok...call it the first day jitters. *****ZAP***** Ah, school...blah! *gag*...Mommy, Mommy can I stay home? hehe...ok, ok...C'mon Roni! SNAP OUT OF IT! You've went to Moberly High School for HOW LONG? Oh, wait...the VoTech this year too? Oh, calm down girl...you'll get through...hey...don't make me slap you!

The years suddenly seem so insignificant...yet they weren't. Learning to read, learning to write...hey, who even taught me to talk?

Thank you everyone who helped me get here. Thank you everyone who has influenced me. Thank you for what you have taught me. Thank you for so much. Thank you, Thank you.

Oh goodie...flash back time. Gather round kiddies to hear a great tale. Once upon a time, a few blinks ago...there lived a little girl with pony tails. She was charming and sweet as she had so much to see. Fishing to her was a big thing. She liked to watch her "Fraggle Rock"..."Sesame Street","Skinamarink", and even "Eureka's Castle". This little girl, like all the others would soon start her journey out in the world. This little girl who had already had so many rushes with death would soon start her tale. Her conquest would soon begin.

Preschool, yeah...it was just speech therapy. The little girl had many problems speaking right. The stroke after heart surgery messed with her speech...so did the laser surgery on her neck to fix her bleeding birthmark. She couldn't say most words, they came out all wrong. This shy little girl would have to learn to talk if she was to make it in the world. Now, many years later...she can talk. Oh, can she ever! Does she ever shut up? Don't let her kid you though, she still struggles with many words...like "roar", don't ask her to say it...it comes out wrong.

Kindergarten...ahhh, the first real year of school. She cried about going, and cried when she had to leave. She learned the "Pledge of Allegiance". She learned to color more in the lines. She learned to make friends...she learned to stay in line.

First grade, the little girl is excelling ahead! She's a top reader...she reads whenever she can. Beatrix Potter, she loves her books. Telling time, basic math...the girl is learning very fast.

Second grade, her first real report. Henry Hudson, hey...she wrote a long report!

Third grade, she starts learning more of the government. Christopher Columbus, George Washington...the little girl is eager...teach her it all.

Fourth grade, her first major fight. Tommy was picking on Elisabeth because she "dressed like a hick". No one messed with Roni's best friend. The fight, the main point in that year. Roni's innocence was slipping. Did she get in trouble? Not at all...sweet little Roni would hurt no one. Maybe they should have punished her after all.

Fifth grade, she's writing even more. You'd never see her without a notebook. She wanted to be an author. Everyday she'd have something to read to the class. Her dreams, all the hopes...they were growing fast.

Sixth grade...ugh, Middle School. The moment she entered, she knew everything was moving right along. She lost for class president by one vote...she made Select Choir...she was moving on up.

Seventh grade...ahhh, such a meaningful year. Her main year with friendship... and oh, don't forget all the boys.

Eighth Grade...oh so many schools. Home schooled sucked... private school was the pits...Madison, HAHA! Elisha was to thank for it all.

Ninth grade...HIGH SCHOOL! Foreign exchange students...major changes...new friends...memories for life. The wheelchair, oh...all the memories.

Tenth grade...she's not slacking off. However, she learned why she hated math. UGH, her first bad grade in a class...yuck.

Eleventh Grade...reaching on. She studies psychology more. She's becoming a bookworm. She's a geek...haha....little girl grew into a geek...sheesh. When did this happen? Oh well...getting into National Honor Society was a major peak.

Senior Year is finally here...where have the years gone? Have I accomplished anything? How high IS this wall?

Hey, you didn't mention the people that had helped her along her way. Oh, wait...is this a book or a journal entry? I could name them all off...the ones who have had an impact on me. Where's the fun in that? How much do you expect from me? Oh, alright...I'll do it. However, that's another entry. For now just let me say..."SENIOR YEAR...UGH! CAN I STAY HOME AND PLAY????"