Once in a great while, I'll receive a letter that I HAVE to respond to. The following is an email I got. I added my own comment into it in caps and I've changed all the names. Have fun reading it:P

Dear Roni,

Here's some of what I think. Don't blame me, you asked for this.

I ALSO ASK FOR A NEW CAR�HEHE I'm beginning to believe that you have an inferiority complex, OH..BIG WORDS!!! BUT SORRY, I DON�T HAVE �A PERSISTENT SENSE OF INADEQUACY OR A TENDENCY TO SELF-DIMINISHMENT, SOMETIMES RESULTING IN EXCESSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS THROUGH OVERCOMPENSATION OR A SENSE OF PERSONAL INFERIORITY ARISING FROM CONFLICT BETWEEN THE DESIRE TO BE NOTICED AND THE FEAR OF BEING HUMILIATED�, AND IF I DID THEN I WASTED MANY YEARS OF BEING A CLOWN AT MY CHURCH FOR SOMEONE HAVING HAD �A FEAR OF HUMILIATION� *ROLLS EYES* �AND ME? AGGRESSIVE?? GRRRR! (YEAH RIGHT!) and you

shouldn't.SEEMING SINCE I DON�T! But you need someone, A NEED IS A NECESSITY, SO ARE YOU SAYING THAT I WOULD DIE IF I SPENT TIME ALONE????? and you especially need a guy. NEED? NO! BUT SOMEDAY I WANT ONE! Without one

you feel like you're not good enough I think.GOOD ENOUGH FOR WHAT? WHO? YOU? you think that??? NO, AND DIDN�T I JUST SAY THAT? well, Think about it. NO NEED! JUST DID! You've chosen

some real losers OH, DID I??? WELL, I DIDN�T CHOSE YOU, SO THAT MUST BE A SIGN THAT I�M IMPROVING ;) AND I WOULDN�T CALL THEM LOSERS, THEY MAY HAVE BEEN PRICKS, BUT NOT LOSERS! AND THEY WERE MY PRICKS, NOT YOURS!SO YOU CANT HAVE THEM.......but you always insist that they're really nice guys. MAYBE THEY WERE...BUT DID YOU KNOW THEM? WILL YOU? NO, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, THEY WERE NICE IN THE BEGINNING AND IT�S NOT MY FAULT PEOPLE CHANGE If

they were that nice, you'd still be with one of them. NOPE�BECAUSE FOR ONE, I�M THE ONE THAT BLEW IT MOST OF THE TIME AND FOR TWO, THAT WAS PERHAPS THE MOST STUPID THING YOU�VE EVER SAID! The fact that you've

had so many (SHORT) relationships with Ben alone says something. I realize that

this goes back a long way FARTHER THAN YOU THINK, BUDDY!, you were really young, but still, you don't go

back to the same guy over and over when he treats you badly.did I say he treated me badly??? NO! IT ENDED THE FIRST TIME B/C I WASN�T READY FOR A BOYFRIEND, AND THE 2ND TIME HE REALIZED HE WASN�T READY FOR A GIRLFRIEND, 3RD WE BOTH HAD MET SOMEONE KNEW, 4TH I HAD A PROBLEM WITH HIS COUSIN, AND 5TH, WE GAVE UP! SO IF YOU DON�T KNOW WHAT YOU�RE TALKING ABOUT�DON�T!!! It sounds like

the beaten woman that when asks why she doesn't leave him and she replies

"But I love him.". She doesn't love him, she's been brainwashed.NO, SHE COULD HAVE REALLY LOVED HIM AND EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT Could this

be what's wrong with you? UH�NO�AND WHEN I WAS IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, I WASN�T LIKE THAT! and Basically the same thing happened with Pat again, NO..AND HE DIDN�T TREAT ME BADLY..AND WE NEVER DATED..AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, HE�S STILL SWEET!!!! to

an extent.YEAH, TO THE EXTENT THAT THE IDEA OF IT IS EXTINCT In fact, it happens with EVERYONE that you fall for.NO Everyone! DAMN! ARE YOU NOT LISTENING???

Now comes Dustin who will never be happy with you WOW, TEACH ME HOW TO READ MINDS TOO!!!....he'll always worry that

you're going to leave him, that you're not interested enough in

him BUT IT�S NORMAL TO WORRY ABOUT THAT...whatever his excuse for the day. But all he has to do is say the

right thing to you and everything is ok in your book. HMM..NOPE You'll forgive all. WILL I FORGIVE YOU???

You can't do that. REALLY????? I NEVER KNEW THAT!!!! *ROLLS EYES AGAIN**As long as you do, you'll keep on getting hurt ....over

and over an over.(BROKEN RECORD SYNDROME)

Maybe it's a physical thing that you want or need. Maybe not.IT�S NOTIf it is, I'm

sure you don't want to go all the way,EVER? but most likely anything short of

that.ANYTHING SHY OF FULL BLOWN INTERCOURSE IS CALLED �SHORT� OF IT..DUH! If that's what you want, perhaps what you need,AGAIN, IS IT A NECESSITY? AM I GOING TO DIE IF I DON�T SPREAD MY LEGS??? that's ok. But don't

think you have to pick a loser for that to happen. But you should also

resign RESERVE yourself to the fact that it will be only a physical thing IT EFFECTS YOU MENTALLY TOO! and save

yourself all of these heartaches that you're going through. Dustin may be

looking for a true love, WHO ISN�T? but I don't really think that that is what you

want either.WRONG!!I EVENTUALLY WANT THAT! But even if it is, it will never work long term with him. FORTUNE TELLER??? The

others are saying they love you, but somehow I doubt it. DO YOU KNOW THE SECRET TO THE UNIVERSE TOO? Men say what they

think women want to hear. THEY DON�T ALL, AND I CAN DEBATE THAT ONE!!! And most women want to hear those words.UM, NO..actually I GET MAD WHEN THEY SAY IT WHEN THEY DON�T MEAN IT!They

want to be wanted. WHO DOESN�T HONESTLY?? The guys want a piece of ass. Some NOW YOU AGREE WITH ME? are honest about it,

some feed girls the bullshit....and lots of it. I think you need to

determine what you want ALREADY DO and then decide who based upon the approach you

find most honest or satisfying.

But actually, right now, I'm not sure you know what you want either. ARE YOU SURE OF ANYTHING??? You may be feeling

some peer pressure. But the fact that you're often horney NO, I�M NOT! JUST BECAUSE YOU�RE ALWAYS HORNY DOESN�T MEAN I AM AND FRANKLY, I�VE NEVER BEEN HORNY WHEN I TALK TO YOU,..BUT MAYBE THAT IS BECAUSE IT IS YOU probably

indicates that you would really like to find someone to "play" with, but

I'm not sure if it's because you don't have the nerve I�VE ALREADY �PLAYED� SO WHY BE NERVOUS NOW? or you know that your

choices have been so poor. REALLY? NO THEY HAVENT! Maybe you should broaden your horizon a little

bit. THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN�TACOS ARE GOOD! So far you're sticking only with those that you've went to school with

basically. WRONG AGAIN Maybe you know them too well. Look around a little bit.

Another thing about going out with only these guys from your school, your

past, your friends......if you did let any of these guys try

anything...because you want to yourself, then you know that everyone else

is going to find out about it. Maybe you don't care, YOU�RE RIGHT..I DON�T!but I think you do. NO, I JUST SAID I DON�T!

And guys want to brag, so they will. If you choose someone not so close,

that isn't a friend of your friends, then the chances of someone that you

know finding out is going to be a lot less. OH, YOU MEAN SOMEONE LIKE YOU?

But back to your past guys. You send such mixed signals. Even when you talk

to me, you appear to be falling hard for the one you're interested in at

that moment WHO WHOULD THAT BE? ....even though you swear to me that you don't do that. SO YOU THINK I�M A LIAR? But when

you're attracted to someone, that's all you talk about. I ALSO TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, BUT HELL�I JUST TALK A LOT! It's REALLY obvious

and when you deny it, it actually becomes funny. OH, SORRY�MUST HAVE LAUGHED MY ASS OFF�GOT A STAPLER? Then that guy will do or

say something that upsets you and you then immediately look for someone to

take his place.WHO�S GOING TO REPLACE YOU? Next thing you know, you've fallen hard for this

one....until he does or says something to your disliking. You play games. CHESS IS COOL!

You tell someone something, then you change your mind and take it back. MUST BE PMS

You've done that to me even. I'm sure you're doing it to others also. YOU�RE SURE OF A LOT THESE DAYS, AREN�T YOU? If

you say you're just kidding, then that makes my point, you play games.

They're funny to you, but not to anyone else. When you do that over and

over again, that only makes the guy think that "if you can do it, I can do

it". When that happens, you're going to get hurt, and won't be able to

understand why the guy is such a liar and such an "asshole". When you talk

about another guy often enough, then other guys know that you're interested

and that they're now on the losing end. OH, I�M SORRY, DOES THAT HAPPEN TO YOU OFTEN???I think from what you've said,

you're now done with Dustin. Probably a very wise choice, but before you

made up your mind, every time he upset you, you began to talk about someone

else.THAT�S CALLED CHANGING THE SUBJECT! Joe, Pat, Ben, whomever. That's part of the mixed signals that

you send and the reason that Dustin kept being so insecure. YOU ARE WAY OFF..I NEVER MENTIONED OTHER GUYS TO HIM UNLESS HE DID FIRST AND THEN I�D TELL HIM HOW THEY DIDN�T MATTER BECAUSE I LIKED HIM AND NOT THEM!Your fears seem

to be self-fulfilling. MY FEARS????

Then to, you won't really be honest with anyone. Not that you try to be

dishonest, but once again, it's just the games that you play.DAMN THOSE CURSED GAMES! And guys

don't like these kinds of games. WHO DOES? You tell only as much as you want the

person to know,WHO DOESN�T? but then you're upset because everything else isn't obvious

to them. You expect people to read your mind. NO I DON�T!I've tried to befriend you. OH, HAVE YOU?

But when I ask you to call me, your answer is always �no�. GET THE HINT�I DON�T WANT TO!!!! That gets really old really

fast. THEN DON�T ASK!It's very discouraging. GOOD! I�M A BITCH, AY?I'd like to help, be there to listen to you,

but you refuse. Then you'll type part of it out online and expect me to

understand all the little parts. I answer with �ok�, or �oh� because I get

tired of asking for details you leave out. On the phone, it's easy to ask

what you meant by something but it's not online. And back to the mixed

signals, all of a sudden, you choose to break up because all of a sudden

you change your mind about how things are going.AM I NOT ALLOWED TO CHANGE MY MIND? You assume something but

won't talk about it. Then you want to start over. Like we had just met.

Maybe you can do that, but I know of no other person capable of that. THAT�S FUNNY�I DO!

You know, I like you. And at times I really would like to help you. About

all I can do to help is to listen. I'd be more than happy to give you a

hug, but I've decided that the day that would ever be possible is one

loooong way off. NO, ACTUALLY�IT�S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!!!!! So all I can offer is to listen, and when I offer, you

turn me down. I get so discouraged with you. Like I had told Sarah that

time, I was at the point that I was going to quit talking to you. It didn't

seem to matter to you. BECAUSE IT DOESN�T! But she told me that I shouldn't, and at the same

time I realized that you were more depressed than usual, and I didn't want

to make that worse. OR BETTER!!!!

I've probably gotten way off track from what you wanted. I hope I haven't

offended you too badly. NO�I�M NOT OFFENDED OR MAD! BUT I THINK YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! That wasn't my intention. In fact, you know that I

didn't even want to do this. So I don't know whether this will help you see

another point of view or if it'll only make things worse. CAN THINGS GET WORSE??? OR BETTER FOR THAT MATTER?I felt that if I

didn't do this, you were going to be upset with me....and I knew if I did,

you would be. It's one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't

that you're so good at pulling off. LIFE SUCKS FOR YOU, DOESN�T IT?

I like you. I'd hate to think that you'd never talk to me again and I'd

hate to think that we'd never meet. WE ARE NEVER GONNA MEET! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! If you need me, I'm here, but you just

have to let me know. Ok? I HAVE TOO? DAMN! WELL, I�LL TALK TO YOU IF YOU WANT�BUT I JUST TALK A LOT!

A good friend, GOOD? FOR SUCH A �GOOD� FRIEND, YOU REALLY DON�T KNOW ME, DO YOU?

the end

well..what did u think? am I a bitch? am I a liar?

To the person that wrote this:

I'm not mad at you. However, I think you are WAY wrong. I'm sorry if you're mad that I put it in here, but it's MY journal and I did!

To everyone else:

Feel free to email me your comments on this...but beware, you may be seeing it in here!