I went to my closet in a search for closure. I see my box full of high school memories in the corner....then I see my box full of memories of my ex boyfriends. Then I look up. I see it. I see the "corey box". I had so many memories with him that he has his own box. I grabbed it. I hesitated to open up this old can of worms...but I brought it down. It's sitting beside me. I'm ready to open it. I'm ready to face my memories.

I lifted the lid off.

On top is the book. It's a journal full of Corey memories. It has stuff in it from the time I first met him up until this last year.I flipped through it. So full of memories and emotions. It's full of lies and broken promises.

I got a little teary-eyed...so I sat it down.

The next thing I see is the tape. The tape we started making the first time we went out. On it is our song and all the other songs that were important to us.

Next is a variety of stuff. It has everything ranging from the bottle that held the first soda we shared...to the little trinklet things that provoke memories (like a paper diploma he gave me when I graduated junior high, a mini soccer ball,the headband of mine that he loved,the very first toy we shared in the nursery when we were small,a club card to "fox 41 Kids club" that we had joined together,the keychain from the first place we went together, and the list goes on with other stuff. Then I reach the jewelry. There are the bracelets we made, the one he made me, the necklace he made me, the necklaces he bought me,the charm he gave me, and then the ring.

The ring was an actual engagement one. We were going to be "together forever". I tried the ring on. It fits. I hesitated to take it off. But, I did...as the tears started to come.

I looked in the box and see an easter egg wand. It's a stick w/ a fuzzy egg on the end with ribbons. He gave it to me the first time he had broken my heart. I guess he thought it would somehow make it all better. HA

I reached the paper stuff. There are postcards, letters, and a book about puberty. Why do I have the book? Because that is how we learned about puberty..we sat down together and went through that book!

I move some of the papers and see reminders of Elisha. There is a shoelace that he had wanted to choke me with, Corey had got it off of me.There is a piece of metal that Elisha had dug into me. Corey had dug it out. There are other things too, but I just sat them to the side.

Then comes the pictures. Pics of him..pics of him at my sister's wedding, pics of us, pics of him feeding a baby for the first time...pics,pics,pics!

I dig farther...there are more papers...ones from events we went to, notes we passed, letters he wrote, etc...

Then I find it...the towel. The towel I had used during Judgement House, a play I was in. Corey and I had a lot of history in that play. It was also the towel we had used to wipe the blood away. The blood Elisha caused on both of us. It is stained red from all the different times we used it from that.

Underneath it is more papers. I paused for a minute to reflect on everything.

I started putting everything back in the box..just the way it had been.

I stopped when I came to the ring....then I put everything but it up. I cried a little longer. Then I sat it on top of the "corey book"...and slammed the box shut.

I sat in disbelief as my heart felt like it was broken and longing for Corey.

I slowly walked over to the closet...and put the box back.

I want to keep it. I want to remember him...my first love,my first heartache, ...my everything.