Some of my favorite one-liners:

I almost had a psychic boyfriend but he left me before we met.

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.