So I finally reached Tim. The reason I havent been able to reach him was that his ex wife may be dead. Her car was hit by a diesel and she's in ICU and they dont think she'll make it so he's been busy trying to figure out what will happen about his son. His son lives with his grandparents, not Tim and his ex...but still, that's a big deal. Know what I mean?

What bothers me the most....is Tim didnt seem too excited to talk to me. I know he's got a lot on his mind but it's like he didnt care to recognize me. Hell, it took him a minute or two to know who I was. He says he hasnt been checking his machine but still.

He says he still needs to think about me and him. He knows I care and everything but he wants to think still. I asked him if he was going to think for so long tha the was going to let me go crazy literally and he just snickered and said "maybe"....so I had to be cute and I said "If I didnt know you were smiling, I'd take that personal" and he just laughed.

Why cant he just say he forgives me?

Does he not know how much this hurts me?

He wants to know when I'm coming to town again so he can see me, but gosh damn him...why cant he just say "I do or dont want to be with you" instead of "I still have to think on this"

or why cant he say 'ok here's your real shot with me' instead of 'we'll see'

DAMN HIM.

SERIOUSLY.

DAMN HIM.

*CRIES*
I feel bad enough...really, I do....then to hear him say that he really doesnt care if his EX WIFE dies...I was thinking "dang, then obviously you can just release me" but he says he hides how he's truly feeling...so does that mean he hates me or he's just wanting to drive me nuts or maybe he forgives me and thinks he's teaching me a lesson?

Were it any other guy, I would have given up..sighed...said it wasnt fair...whined and said "buh-bye"...but I cant with Tim. I care about him so much and this royally is killing me.

GAH.

I'm telling you, I wasnt cut out to be a girlfriend.

*slumps*