Dearest Kevin,

I'm writing to you in my journal today because the lord knows you're too busy to ever talk to me.

Sometimes, just the thought of you is enough to bring me to tears....sometimes, I hit the wall...other times, I punch a pillow, kick a tire, or bitch at everyone.

Yet, sometimes I miss you and wish you were here to hold me ever so close to you.

But I have news for you and it's not so easy.

I can't be what you want me to be. I can't live up to your expectations. I feel like I'm a fake when I'm talking to you because I just can't do it.

I hate you so much sometimes. I really do. The way I feel when I think about it all, just makes me wanna fuckin' puke.

But the sad reality is, once you talk to me...I'll bite my tongue and pretend I dont feel this way....because it makes me happy to talk to you for some odd reason.

As for you saying you've fallen for me. Don't ever say that again. I could never fall for you and I've told you this. Stop wishing that I would, please. I may like you but I could never fall for you and I could never marry a man like you. It's not what I want.

And I dont know what I'm really trying to say and I know you wont read this anyway....but I'm really tired of it all.

Now I must go....the tears are blocking my vision.