Christmas this year was so different. I guess with the kids being older and sisters married and all. We opened gifts at three different times and it was just weird, waking up, being the only one here. Mom and Dad were both gone to work. That once anticipated "Yay, it's Christmas" wasn't anywhere to be found.
Even now it's like "eh, christmas is done"
I have a few games for my computer...but my computer is rejecting them and I'm pretty much going to have to reformat, damn it.
Dad bought me food...seriously. Cheese and different summer sausage. He wants me fatter, I just know it :P
A lot of people I know had a crappy Christmas...like TyRell. Poor guy. And gah hearing about how Kayla treats him, that breaks my heart.
I got a few random things...like a rose picture from Cassie...and different bears and figurines. And a microphone to go with my karaoke....oh yes, we want to let the entire neighboorhood get ear plugs.
But what gets me is this...for years...since I was like 12-14, I started asking for a pearl ring. I put it on every Christmas and Birthday list...and my Graduation list. Hell I think I once told Josh I wanted that instead of a diamond someday.
I finally got a pearl ring.
It's gorgeous...it's so perfectly round and such a pure white.
It's a great gift.
Only this year...was different.
I didn't care about the physical, material things. What I really wanted and truly needed...I missed out on. I wanted him to call. I wanted him to think about me. I wanted him to miss me. Most of all, I wanted him to say he loved me and that he always had and that he never meant to say it was all fake.
I just wanted him.
Look at me, I can't even say his name. It hurts.
It hurts deep.
But he knows who I'm talking about.
He may not like to realize it's still him that I want.
"Why"...I don't know....but baby, I miss you so much.
Please, just talk to me.