I want to update an entry from last month. Please stay with me. This isn't easy.

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"Today makes a month since Annastrianna left. I'm just...yeah. I didn't think it'd be this hard. Today is my last final, otherwise, I'd have just found a way to not wake up and somehow skip over this date."

\\\ Well, today is now 2 months. It's not as hard. It doesn't hurt as much.

"I wonder if anyone even remembers it's been a month. No one will mention her. they're scared "it'll hurt me"...but it hurts worse to think they could have forgotten her."

\\\ Most have forgotten this is the two month. In a way, I'm glad. I don't like the reminders.

"Josh had ended our friendship a few weeks ago. And I bet it doesnt cross his mind about his own daughter and it kills me."

\\ It's been a while since I talked to him. I don't know if I cross his mind, but I have the feeling Annastrianna might...especially since Sunday is Father's Day. You know, for mother's day, Jamy wished me a happy one. I asked her why. She said "you don't have your baby, but you know you are the mother of her soul. She's in heaven and you're still her mother." So, Josh, Happy Father's Day. Sometimes it's so tempting to call to just hear that you're alive. But I guess you want your space and I respect that. I just hope that someday we can be friends again. Or at least able to say "hi" once in a while.

"I don't know what I'm going to do...I just don't."

\\ But ya know, I survived last month and I'm sure it'll be easier for now on.

"I'm quite certain that I'll post in here many times today."

\ You know, I never did.

"There's nothing else to do with the pain."

\ I don't cry anymore. I'm scared I won't stop.

"I have this poem in my head, it goes on and on, it never ends."

\ Yeah, it's back again.

"Today is still hell...just a month later."

\\ Today isn't really hell...but circumstances are.

"Worse, I'm bleeding today. Heh, could I have a reminder any other way?"

\ It so happened that my period is today. I'm going to probably always get this reminder around the 18th b/c my pills put me on this schedule.