Why does it hurt when I think of you?

We're suppose to be over.

We're suppose to be through.

But everytime I close my eyes,

at night,

in the shower,

or when I breathe.

All I see is visions of you,

and I want to fall to my knees.

I haven't talked to you,

I'm giving you space,

but it's killing me

is this a mistake?

Your semester is over,

now you're gone.

No more calling you,

no more emails,

I don't even know if you like your new home.

I think of you often,

even though I try not to.

You're birthday is almost here.

June's coming close.

I think of July,

how we had plans together.

Tears well up.

I try to hide them.

I try to fight them.

No emotions from me.

I'm scared to cry.

If I start I won't stop,

I'll cry until I die.

Oh how I miss our daughter.

Oh how I miss you.

I'm trying so hard to become somebody new.

I'm trying so hard to move on.

I'm trying so hard to forget about you.

But you know what?

It's not working my friend.

I miss you a little,

I'll love you to the end.

I'm trying so hard to let you go.

I try not to think of you

Even when I'm alone.

I better stop this now.

I better say goodbye,

because no matter how hard I'm fighting it,

I'm starting to cry.

Make these tears stop.

Make them go away.

I'm scared I can't end them.

I'm scared I'll die this way.

Maybe the cancer can take me.

Maybe my poly can.

Maybe I'll have a heart attack,

or maybe I'll just end.

Either way,

make these tears stop.

Make my blood stop curling.

I miss you, Josh.

Now please,

make me stop hurting.