Heh, guess who found their way to a computer? Here I am saying that I'll like never have a chance to post again and no, I keep coming back home and using the computer. LOL. Why this time? Well, do you want the truth? I wussed out. I started getting sick and just couldnt handle it. Plus, it's awkward staying with your first love. Especially when you find a bunch of condoms stored in the bathroom :S

So, I'm home and there's a change in plans. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I can't stay with him now...it's really too awkward. Plus, he doesn't take the hint that just because pregnant women supposibly stay horny all the time, doesn't mean that I'm going to give him any. Stupid boys. Heh.

So now where to? Well, I could hang out with Susu obsessively...but the downside is...I don't want to hear about Joe all the time. I'm getting sick thinking about him and what he's done with guys. Besides, she keeps bringing up my gay (literally GAY) ex boyfriend, Todd. Uh sweetie, AHHHH.

I'm not going to stay in a frickin shelter. Thanks for the thought, Snuggle Bunny and Jedi, but I just can't. It's not for me and I don't want to let perfect strangers in on my problems (*realizes that I post them in an online journal...heh...*)

So...where to stay, where to stay? I could stay in Mexico or Centralia...but I'd be found too easily from the man that refers to himself as my father. I definitely have a place to stay in Kennett...but it's 400 miles away. I can't keep jumping houses. It's wearing me out already. I can't and I don't think it's good for the baby. I could go to Quincy, but where the freak would I stay?

Yi-yi-yi...this is a huge mess. The problem with Dad isn't even about Josh anymore. I'm just screwed. There's a solution to every problem, right? So, anyone know this one? Ugh, Dad's in there yelling...I'm gonna be sick again.

Sometimes I really wish I was married. But who the freak would marry me now? I'm pregnant and don't want to have sex. I'm so screwed.

Oh Josh, what do I do? Where do I go? I want to keep our baby safe. I just don't know anymore. I need to talk to you. I need to feel your support. Please keep praying for us. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared and confused. You know, I wanted to tell you something...I dont ever want to have sex, I dont care if we're never intimate, I dont care if we ever even kiss again...or if I rarely get to talk to you...I just want to hear you breathe and know your heart is still mine. I know I shouldn't tell you that. Right now though, I'm not thinking too good. I'm trying so hard to be strong. It's making me weak though. I do have some bad news to tell you about my health. Not the baby's...but mine. I don't want to type it here. It's very personal. You're the one that needs to know though. Please get a hold of me.

Until then, somebody...anybody...please help. I shouldn't do this because I don't know who all reads this, but if you have any idea what I can do to keep me and my baby healthy...contact me on my message board or something.

I need your help. I don't know what to do. If anything, pray. Pray for me and my baby.