I�ve been sick all day. The puking, the pain�oh, it�s horrible.

Dad�s royally on my case. It�s not even about Josh anymore. It�s whatever. First because I lost a contact, then because I was sick, then some more about my contact, then whatever the hell he could think of. Susu was right when she referred to this as �Hellsville.�

I�m in pain.

This pain is real. It�s deep and not in the best place.

What�s wrong with my baby?

I bled.

I�m bleeding.

I filled the toilet completely full earlier with blood.

Then, I did it again.

I was gushing.

I was hurting.

I was crying.

Please, don�t hurt my baby.

I had to get checked.

My baby is ok�but only because it�s strong willed.

It�s a fighter. More of one than I�ll ever be. Heh, I�m glad it takes after its father.

So, I go to make my escape.

I can�t be here anymore.

Dad doesn�t want me to stay�and doesn�t want mom to yell when I leave.

Nothing is going right and I can�t afford to hurt my baby.

I wanted to leave.

I started to�then my transportation fell into the ditch, quite literally. The car started to flood and the floorboard filled fast. We waited and waited and I thought �God, I didn�t want to die trying to escape.�

We finally got loose. Then, I realized�I have no where to go.

I can�t reach Sheryl.

I can�t reach Amy.

I can�t reach Susu.

I can�t reach Corey.

I can�t reach Julie.

I can�t reach Kevin.

I can�t reach anyone.

Then, THANK GOD�I reached Josh. Shame he was busy and I hope he�s feeling ok. You know, he�d help me if he could�but he just can�t.

But don�t you worry about me�I�m going to get away.

Nobody is going to kill my baby.

I won�t be posting as much.

You won�t be getting emails very often.

I can�t promise I�ll ever call.

If you need me, there�s my cell phone. Good luck trying to get a hold of me otherwise.

I�m leaving.

I�m going away.

I�m going to where no one can hurt me or my baby.

God will take care of us�he will provide.

I�m not telling you where I�m going.

I�m not telling you when.

I�m not telling you that I will even answer my cell phone.

I just want to say, we�ll be ok.

Josh, you know I�d never hurt our baby. So, try not to worry�someday we�ll speak again and I�ll let you see your child. I don�t know when I�m going to be back. I don�t know if anyone is going to be able to tell you where to find me. I have to get away, you understand�right? I promise pictures of you are going with me in case I�m not back for a long time. I�m still your biblical wife and will take good care of our child. I hope you read the last entry. I hope you�re still thinking. In case it�s a while before we meet again, I�m glad I got to hear your voice once again. I love you baby, I always will�you�re my dear friend �you�re my best friend. Please don�t be angry. Don�t ask questions. Don�t think this is your fault. Don�t try to find me�you wont have luck. And if by chance you catch me�I will be utterly surprised. It�s my special spot I�m going to�a new home, I�m out to find. Please keep your faith and keep being strong. Stay in good health and try not to steer wrong. Pray for me and pray for the baby. Think of us sometimes�maybe even cry once in a while. You�ll always be my husband, even if that�s one thing you regret. Of course, it�s all biblical�not legal. Someday we�ll meet�for that, I�m confident. I promise, you�re baby is in good hands. No one is going to hurt it anymore. No one is going to hurt me. Josh, someday we�ll speak again. It could be a million years, but we will again someday. And, you�ll always be my friend. You�ll always be there. I hope you understand. Don�t give up on me.