If you stopped avoiding me...maybe I could get closure. Maybe I could say what needs said. Maybe...just maybe...I could finally get some sleep at night. Or even an appetite.
If I could reach you...I'd only say...
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Josh,
I don't know where it went wrong. One month...we're happy and talking about our wedding. The next...we took things to new levels. Then, I left Quincy. Everything crashed.
You were here. You had the chance to end it like a man. You didn't. You even accepted the necklace. You accepted the promise. Then, I go out of my way to get you your camera...and I do good to get a 'hi, thanks, bye'
You weren't there to share my good news with.
If you don't know...I got contacts. I got a job. My puppy is training much better.
If you don't know...I'm making decisions. I'm growing up. I'm planning my life. MY FUTURE.
I was there for you in the beginning. You were in trouble. You had the whole hacker problem. You had court. You were hurting. You were beyond what you thought could be reached. But I reached you. I cared. I was there and I barely knew you.
Now, I need you. Josh, I got the scariest news. You know my fears of infertility. You know my fears of cancer. Now that I need you...you're no where to be found. Even a dog treats somebody better. Even the devil can hear my pain.
If you ever loved me...if you ever cared...if you were ever even a friend...you'd care. But you don't. I wasted things on you. Now, I have to go through one of the toughest things in my life alone. You weren't even alone when you had your toughie.
I gave you my all. You could have had the world...and all I asked for was your love...your care...in return.
Now that your gone, I've never been so scared. I've never had such a rough time.
You'll regret it when you realize I was your penguin. I was the best thing you'll ever have. You'll regret it. And I want you to think of how I was there for you. I want you to think of all we've been through. Then, I want you to think of how you left me when I needed you the most.
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Maybe if you would learn to quit avoiding me and face me like a man...I could move on.