Lately I've gotten rather good at hiding how I feel. I'm getting really good at not letting others know when the piss me off or when they make me happy. I'm good at hiding things, lately.

Is that good?
Heck no.

I have been writing in my notebook more. HOWEVER...maybe I should put my feelings in here. At least that way, there's a chance the people MIGHT find out how I feel.

Ok, some people I've been meaning to say things to for a while...so bare with me.

*clears throat*

*takes a seat*

By the way, if you're a friend (or enemy, for that matter) and I don't say something to you, don't feel left out. But rather, consider yourself lucky

Sarah - First off, I AM NOT MAD AT YOU. Can I make this clearer? Quit thinking I am friggin mad at you. If I was, I would at least make it more obvious. You have done NOTHING, for once, ok????? IF something is wrong, you are one person that I WOULD tell. Things are great with Josh. You and I haven't had a fight. I'm alive. You're alive. I don't think a little guy is going to blow you up anytime soon...ok? Look, I know I've been "different". I know I seem kind of distant...but that's because I have a LOT on my mind. I'm worried about my cardiologist...you know that. Plus, you know I worry about EVERYTHING anyway. I'm really working on it. AND I'm trying to set my priorities and plan for my future. I've also had lots of deadlines lately. I've been stressed, but you have done nothing wrong. Chill. Ok? However, if you keep asking me over and over "what's wrong?" and wanting to know "why" I am mad at you...I WILL get mad at you. Got it? Good. Moving on...

Mallory - Yes, you do get on my nerves. Get the hint, I am NOT telling you about things that happen between me and Josh. It's not your business. Yes, you tell me about you and your love life. Do I ask??? No. Therefore, I don't need to know about your sex rompings. Thanks anyway, but I couldn't care less.

Mariah - Do you get on my nerves? *nods* Do you get on everyone's nerves? YES. Am I your friend? Sure. However, can we ever just TALK? I mean...not a question session or a whining session??? Just wondering.

Joseph - Little bitch of mine...hehe. I just wanna know...why do you wait until NOW to show some interest in me? Well, it's a little too late now buddy. Blow off.

J. Faucett - I have a confession. I have known ALL ALONG that you liked me. It was not shock when you "confessed" it to me. Look, I didn't want to be your first high school crush...but it's too late to change that now. I should be flattered, I know. First off, it's never gonna happen. It wouldn't happen even if I was single. You're too young. I'm 18, sweetie. In case you haven't noticed...I'm a senior and you're a freshman. Oh, and by the way, I'm glad you're not doing that "kindergarten flirting" anymore...but the current isn't much better. I'm sure you're a nice guy...but sometimes giving up is the best thing. I'll be your friend. But...that's it. That's all it will EVER be. It's all it could ever be. I'm sorry. I didn't want to be so blunt about it, but I've tried every way possible to let you know this. Sorry.

Kolin - Are you miserable? Good. I just wanna say ...you're a loser. You're a prick. You know, when I told you how I had felt about you...you were a real jerk. I hope someday, you'll know how it feels. Thank you, thank you, jump off a cliff, good bye.

Kory - Get over it! No one is going to date you while you act so friggin depressed. Cheer up, for goodness sakes. Please? You're driving me INSANE.

Evil Boy - STOP! Stop EVERYTHING.

Corey - Sometimes I wish I could take everything back. Yes, you were my first love. I admit it. But you weren't there when I needed you the most. You weren't there. You walked away when I needed you. You could have let me get killed. You know what I'm talking about. I hate you, yet, I don't. You'll always have a place in my heart. I'll never forget how you were my first love...but, I have to let go. I have to say good bye. I can't hold on to you. Let me go. Please? Don't make this hard. Let go.

Elisha - I'd be lying if I said I forgive you for everything. I don't. I've tried. Believe me. It's hard. You had more an impact on me than you'll ever know. I'm paranoid. Sometimes, I can't sleep. I swear I feel you lurking around the corner. I feel like I'm being watched. I don't feel safe. My security is crushed. The only time I feel safe is when I'm with Josh. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't be so friggin scared. Fuck you. Yes, I said it. Maybe I should have gotten counseling after it all had went down. I don't know. I do know this...I'm scarred. I can't move past it. I'm working hard. Fuck. I was in 8th grade. Now I'm a senior. Why the hell can't I get over it? Gee, maybe it was the rush with death. I don't know. Give me time, someday I may forgive you. For now, I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear you. I don't want to hear anything that resembles you or anything about you. Get out of my life. Leave me alone. Stay away. Please don't let me ever see you again. I can't. I don't think I could handle it.

Josh - Everytime I think of you, everything makes sense. I want you to know I'm really trying not to worry as much. I'm working on it. You've made me a better person. You bring out the best of me. You always know when something is wrong and you offer a shoulder to cry on (literally). It means oh, so much to me. I wish you could only get a glimpse at how much you do mean to me. You're what I wanted. You're what I need. YOU. I want you. I need you. I love you. Don't ever leave me. I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you. WHOA. Slow down there, did I say that? Man, scary thought? Yeah. I mean it though. You're the one I want. I pick you. I want you. JUST YOU. I love you, Josh.